I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
January 04, 2008 - 12:12 a.m.
I better start with the health report. The thing is I usually know when I�m over a Crohn's attack. It isn�t like that this time. I�m actually not sure. I have spent all of my time in bed since my last update. Last night was miserable. I was in a lot of pain from the narrowing of my intestines. That causes extremely painful spasms. I�m not sure if it was a full-fledged obstruction. There were times that I thought I was going to vomit up bile, the sure sign, but it never quite happened. To add to the fun I was getting cramps in my legs. This seems to be a new symptom of my attacks. That never happened before the last year or two. Normally I�d get out of bed on stand on them to make it feel better but that was difficult with my stomach pain and my exhaustion. Good thing I have gotten good at nipping the cramps in the bud while staying in bed. It is all a matter of pointing my feet and putting my legs in the right positions; a useful skill but one I wish I didn�t have the opportunity to develop.
As I said I spent most of today in bed. I got up to bring in the paper, read it, then went to back to sleep. For the rest of the day I�d put in TV watch for a while then fall asleep. I mainly watched Law and Order and other things that I had already seen so it was no big deal to miss the beginning or end of the shows. I tried watching one of my favorite films The Edge of the World but could not keep up my concentration. It is Michael Powell�s first masterpiece and I don�t use that word loosely. I�ve raved over Powel and his oft-times collaborator Emeric Pressburger before. They made many must-see films. Edge of the World is the story of the desertion of an Island in the Shetland Islands, in the far north of Scotland; 800 miles north of London. There is really no other film to compare it to. It is unique.
Now back to my health. I didn�t eat all day and didn�t drink that much. This evening I started to feel better and I made myself scrambled eggs. I didn�t have anything with them. I figured they were soft and nutritiously dense so the perfect food for me. I ate them with no ill effect even hours later. I got hungry again and had a slice of bread with a little peanut butter on it. That too is soft and nutritiously dense. I capped it off with a hot chocolate. I could say the same thing about it but I had it because it was really good. I am still feeling fine so I guess I�ll live. I�ll let you know tomorrow.
Well OK if I die I won�t let you know. So what would happen if I died tonight? Who would know? Would people just come to my house concert and wonder why I don�t answer the door? I guess if Sue didn�t hear from me she might ask her friend Charis to check in on me. She is Sue�s friend and also the real estate agent and has a key.
Lena called me tonight. I told her that I�m good at being sick. That really is true. I know how to take care of myself. In many ways it is easier than when my mother would care for me as she�d keep expecting me to talk to her when all I wanted to do was sleep. On the other hand I miss telling her to leave me alone. It does get lonely. If I ever had something wrong with me where I actually needed care I don�t know what I�d do.
Speaking of the house concert. I told Jeff, Lipbone�s manager and bass player, and my friend, that they could put the word out that there was still room at the concert. Two people responded but they represented six people so now I have 22 people booked, three more than what I think of as my max. I�ll have to perhaps take the coffee table out of the living room.
Despite the turnout I�m a bit disappointed that more of my friends aren�t going to be there. There will only be six people that have ever been to one of my house concerts before. Only four of them are Fr�heads. I don�t think there is anyone who was at my first house concert. They broke up that old gang of mine. Of course it will still be a tons of fun. The people that I invited are all great. It just won�t be a close knit group like I�ve had before. I�m a geek so let me do a bit of a breakdown.
- Fr�heads � Five plus one son of a Fr�head plus one friend of a Fr�head
- WFUV volunteers � Three
- Other friends I met through music � Six
- People responding to Lipbone�s email � Six
I have other friends that might make it. One works at WFUV and his wife might come too. The other were general music friends.
Eleven have been to the The Budgiedome, two of which have played the Budgiedome. That makes it the biggest common factor. I could call it a Budgiedome Presents concert but I�m sticking to tradition and including it in the Batnose Cave series.
I didn�t listen to music all day as I didn�t have the strength to concentrate on it or to even put the CDS in the player. I finally got strong enough right before writing this. So here is what is now in my CD changer.
- Great Big Sea � The Hard and the Easy
- The Kennedys � Life is Large (reissue with bonus tracks)
- John Doyle � Wayward Son
- Bob Dylan � Bootleg one of my students gave me
- Main Stage New Artists Bootleg � I think Anthony Da Costa and Abbie Gardner are on the CD but I haven�t listened to it. I don�t know where I got it. Did Chris give it to me? Did Anthony? Maybe it was Cliff who runs the series.
I�m going to see if perhaps I can do some cleaning now. I doubt I�ll have enough strength to do much. There are two concerts I really want to go to tomorrow night but I will probably just end up staying at home and preparing for the house concert.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile January 04, 2008
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