I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2001-02-14 - 06:03:39
I'm feeling guilty because I didn't write an entry yesterday. I need help.
OK so let's see if I can write a winner today. The day started with some Frücon prep. Last year on the way up to Toronto we got a flat tire. The Früvous Gods were with us though. First of all of all the places to have the flat we had it right at the sign that says Tobyhanna 1 Mile. If that isn't enough of a Früvous reference when the Tow Truck came it was from Murray's Towing. We of course got pics of both the sign and the Tow Truck. The "we" I'm referring to is Lisa and myself. Now I actually needed a new tire and we bought one in Tobyhanna, one problem. He never put my spare back in the car. I've tried a number of times and couldn't get a spare since then. This morning I finally called around the junkyards and found one. I hope we don't need it though. I also got the car washed and cleaned inside.
Tonight I went to a record release party for The Professor and Maryann. No not that Professor and Maryann, they have nothing to do with Gilligan. The Professor is a math prof at Steven's institute, one of my people. The word to describe their music is haunting. The new album is great. I can always get a laugh by just saying the name of their second album, Lead us not into Penn Station
The show was great but the party wasn't. I should learn but I never do. I'm not a party person. I always end up being totally alone in a room full of people. This triggered anxiety over Frücon which after all is much like a party I decided I wasn't going to go into all my bad experiences at last year's Con or at FRFF 1999 and 2000. You've heard all this before anyway. Let's just say that I didn't have the best of times. I always end up feeling that no one wants to spend time with me.
Part of me would much rather be in Baltimore for Carey/Shelly Con. There would be no stress involved with that at all. I'd be with people that I love that I know love me. We wouldn't see Früvous but we'd eat halvah and enjoy each other's company.
That would be the easy thing to do but of course I'm not doing it. I usually follow the path of least resistance but I make an exception when it comes to my relationships with other people. I try to force myself to go out and try and make friends instead of playing it safe. So I keep going to Frücon, FRFF and to parties. Maybe one day I'll learn how to do it right.
A woman who sat at my table tonight reminded me very much of Heather, in looks, not personality. That got me thinking on a more positive note. As difficult as it is for me to relate to most people every once in a while I find someone who I can connect with immediately. Heather was like that. I felt more comfortable with her in a minute than I do with most people I've known for months or even years. We had a real conversation right from the get go. What makes that happen? How do we recognize a kindred spirit so quickly? I wish I knew. There have been times where I've made the connection but the other person hasn't felt the connection with me. That is always very awkward. I have faith in my gut. When I met Lisa I knew she was going to be my friend, it took her a couple of years for her to realize I was right. She did though and now she is one of the people I see the most. We are going up to Frücon together for the second year in a row. We also went up to FRFF together. We really bonded on the trip up to Toronto last year. It was the best part of the whole weekend as far as I was concerned. This year we are driving up with Gella, It's going to be tight in my little Plymouth Laser but I bet it will be fun. I know from experience that they are both great travel companions. I'm bet we are all closer by the time the weekend is done.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018
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Horvendile 2001-02-14
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