I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2001-02-12 - 06:26:38
I had this whole entry written in my mind by about 9:30 AM today. I figured I had nothing planned for the day so it would stick. It didn't. The best laid schemes of mice o' men gang aft aglay. Things did happen today. First off I had brunch with Tina. This is the first time I've made plans with her since she attacked me in the car back in August. I had asked her to make a copy of MS office 2000 to give to Carey so I took her out to brunch at Sizzler. We used to do that quite a bit and I know she misses it. I miss it too. It was really quite nice to spend some time with her. She was on her best behavior. As per tradition we both overate and felt sick afterwards. After brunch we hit Sears and Marshals to do some shopping for me. Tina loves to shop. I actually got a shirt on clearance at Sears for $5. Tina and I got to have a good talk too. She's been having some problems and needed someone to talk to. I was glad to listen. That seems to be part of my assigned place in the universe.
After walking Tina home I did something I never do. I did the suburban thing. I went to Ikea to buy a CD case. I'm overflowing everything I have now. I wanted a big one and decided not to get the usual cheap type I usually go for. I got a pretty good one on sale too. It holds 420 CDs. That should do for a while. Of course I would like to use one of my old ones for videos, if I do that though I'll need another one very soon. The biggest problem with the one I bought is that it weighs 56 pounds. It was not easy to carry up the steps. Now of course I was an idiot to go to Ikea on a Sunday, it was packed. I had to park a mile away and it ended up taking me over 2 hours to get through the ordeal plus another 45 minutes of driving. My usual style is to just do a quick in and out when I'm shopping. I don't really have the time in the next couple of weeks though so I had to do it today. I still need to assemble the damn thing though. I meant to do it today but I got distracted.
First I had to call Carey when I got home. Not the Carey I usually talk about here, Good Carey. This was Bad Carey. He is one of my oldest friends. I've known him since 1977. If by some miracle I were to get married he'd be in my wedding party. He's not really bad, just not as good as Good Carey. Basically he agrees on the basis that cute women are always better. So we had our usual nonsense conversation, standard elements of which are Buffy, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Star Trek, Monopoly, and The State Insurance Fund where he works.
After talking to him I tried calling Good Carey but she wasn't home. I just relaxed for a bit and just as I was about to start assembling the case Good Carey called back. I ended up talking to her till the Simpsons came on. That meant I couldn't start work till 9 when Malcolm in the Middle was over. At 8:30 Leah called and I told her I'd call her back when Malcolm was over. Malcolm is an amazing show. It's all about an "us" living in a world of thems; Real Life in other words.
When it was over I called Leah. I've been saying that I'm ABD (all but dissertation) on Leah. Tonight I got my PhD. Leah is going through a very difficult time. Usually she talks to me to get her mind off her problems. We just joke around and talk about nonsense. When we are stuck what to say we tell each other "I love you." She will never discuss her problems though. Tonight I finally got her to talk. It was painful but I think for the best. She can't just have it all bottled up inside her. She is afraid that she will never be able to go home again and live with her mother. It's hard to imagine how tough that is, to never be able to go back to the only home you've ever known, to feel rejected by your mother. My regular readers know that I think that Leah is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. I have never known anyone to attract such immediate loyalty from people who just met her. All my friends love her. More than one has said they'd adopt her if they could.
I wish I could say some magic words and make it all go away. All I could do is assure her that it's not all her fault; that her parents love her but have problems. We discussed the things that are under her control and how she can take measures to make sure that they turn out the way she wants. The best I can really do for though is to let her know that I'll always be there for her. She deserves so much better.
So that was my day. I didn't get to put together that damn case but I'll do that eventually. If I keep writing I'll have to start saying things like. "I started writing my diary. ... I had this whole entry written in my mind by about 9:30 AM today..." I don't think I should go there.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile 2001-02-12
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