I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
August 23, 2010 - 11:36 a.m.
I didn't do anything yesterday so now I'll have to write about ideas. That is supposed to be a good thing. I always lament that I don't have room to write about what I want. Today I have the room. Let's see what I can come up with.
I'll start with something easy, food. I had a great dinner last night, boneless petite sirloin steak and French fries. I love when steak is on sale. I have to decide what size to buy. What is a good serving of steak for me? I bought one a 13 ounce steak and cut it in two, ate half and froze the other half. That worked. I wasn't hungry when I was done. It's one of my favorite cuts and less expensive than some. My father would have loved it, it was so tender. To this day I often think, "my mother or father would have liked that." When I grew my ponytail my sister Sue said, "I'm telling mom." Some ways of thinking you never outgrow.
There are a couple of things I forgot to put in yesterday's entry. I even set one up but never gave the punch line. I told you how I checked out the menu at Café Vivaldi (follow the link so you can follow my train of thought) and the only thing that excited me was the triple chocolate mousse. I was looking forward to it all day. When I got there I didn't even look at the menu and ordered it. Imagine my dismay when I was told they didn't have it. Instead they had something with chocolate cake and strawberries. How is that a replacement? Even chocolate cake is no substitute for mousse. Why add anything to chocolate. Whatever you add won't be as good. It's like watering down drinks! It's an outrage! And I don't like strawberries. They ruined every dessert that I'd like. I'd get the apple pie but I not only don't like walnuts but I'm allergic. They ruin the chocolate mousse (not the triple chocolate mousse) with hazelnut. Even now two days later I'm feeling the loss of that mousse. When I go back next month I'll assume they won't have it but I'll ask. If they don't I won't be disappointed but if they do I'll be pleasantly surprised.
My hair makes an excellent hygrometer. Do you know what a hygrometer is? Maybe you can figure it out from the roots. What if I told you that you know the root better if g is replaced by d? It's a device for measuring relative humidity. Hair has always been used to make hygrometers, you can buy this one. When the air is humid the hair absorbs the water and gets longer. Now the effect is small and I can't see the difference in my hair length. What I see is the affect on its radius of curvature. In other words the more humid it is the curlier my hair becomes. Right now my ponytail is coiled into a tight bun. It's raining. That is not a coincidence. I look much better when the air is dry.
I might have become a girl who talks about her hair all the time but I'm a geeky girl. Carolann commented on my using hair product. I can't escape it.
Wow it's 67 degrees. I might have to close the window, and wear long pants and socks today.
So now onto meaningful content: I often have conversations with people that aren't there. No I'm not insane. Well OK maybe I am but this doesn't prove it. I find that imagining a conversation with someone is a useful way of thinking of things. It keeps me honest and gives me perspective. Often I think of it as writing Wise Madness and imagine the reactions of people reading it. I just realized that Tolkien used this device. I know the book well enough I bet I can find it quickly. I'll time myself. One minute and one second. It's in the chapter, The Ring Goes South in The Fellowship of the Ring
... he heard Bilbo's voice speaking. I don't think much of your diary, he said. Snowstorms on January the twelfth: there was no need to come back to report that!But I wanted rest and sleep, Bilbo, ...
See I'm not nuts. I'm a hobbit.
Now to what I wanted to actually write about. It's a continuation of a conversation I had with Erika at Lincoln Center. She told her daughter that I was an ardent atheist and something along the lines that I promote atheism. I said that I don't try to convince people to be atheists, what I try to do is get atheists to speak up and admit it. Harvey Milk was right. The best way to fight that sort of prejudice is to come out and let people know that they like the very kinds of people they think they don't like.
Sometime after that I continued the conversation without Erika's actual presence. I was more lucid but she was quite a bit less vocal. It really isn't so much a matter of me trying to affect anyone's behavior. The reason I write about god and his lack of existence has nothing to do with your views of god. It has to do with your views of me. I so rarely read or hear anyone whose views are like my own. I can't read Richard Dawkins on atheism. It just seems so loud.
Thinking about this reminded me of the best discussion on god that I ever had. It was back when I was a grad student teaching at Queens College. I was giving Andy a ride. Andy was a wunderkind. By day he was a high school student. At night he took graduate level math classes. Yes grad level, not college level. Often he'd just come to the math department to hang out with our late night crowd. Those were good times. There was Nick, the evening chairman, Lauren and me who were adjuncts, Steve who was an undergraduate, and Andy the high school kid. We'd hang out in the math office and often go out to a diner afterward. Andy looked up to me and saw me as a kindred spirit. That was very nice. Once I was driving Andy someplace, maybe home, maybe to the diner. He said to me, "Do you believe in god?" I said, "No." He said, "I knew it, neither do I?" That was the extent of the conversation and the way I wish it could always be. It was not just not believing in god but not seeing how it is even worth discussing. That was very nice too.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018
creative commons
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile August 23, 2010
| site search by freefind | advanced |
Follow on Feedly
