I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
March 01, 2018 - 12:09 p.m.
I skipped a day updating, did you miss me? I missed writing. I didn't do much worth writing about the day before, so I would have to come up with something to write. Most of what I've been thinking about is how other people think; that is not a comfortable topic to write about. Important note, it's not what other people think but how that interests me. That's enough on that, as it's not comfortable.
The one thing I did was get my unclaimed funds form notarized. That's what I had to do to get the money that New York State is holding for me, money that I was owed by my school. It's a long story. I printed out the form and walked down to the bank. I was good and brought the stamped and addressed envelope to mail it with me. None of that is easy for me; this is where my anxiety lives. There are road games that take place in my own head; that's true of everyone.
It was a beautiful day; I decided to keep walking. I went to the south end of City Island and back. I was going to then walked to the North end and thus do a complete circuit of the Island but got lazy. I walked only 1.4 miles. I need to walk more. At least it's something.
Yesterday was busier. I wrote a letter of recommendation for an old student of mine; she's applying to a graduate program in nursing. I had a letter written out from the last time she applied and was ready to just send it when I discovered that I had to fill out a PDF form. I don't have a PDF editor. It took me a long time to find a way to do it. I ended up using a website that was not user friendly. It didn't let me do things like click on check boxes. I had to keep repositioning things. Worst of all there was no place for a free form response, it was all answering specific questions. I didn't have that much leeway to wax poetic. I wanted to write why I didn't have to look at my records to remember a student I taught 10 years ago. There aren't many of those.
Last night I went to a musical double header Emily Mure and Letitia VanSant at Rockwood Music Hall Stage 3. As soon as the concert was announced I called dibs on merching. I literally said, "Dibs on doing merch!" Anyone else get pleasure from not suppressing your inner child?
I think I've known Emily only since November 2015, but she has old friend feel. I met Letitia the same place and time that Emily did, at the Common Ground Concerts Front Porch Jamboree, last summer. Carter was out matchmaker. Then they were both in the Falcon Ridge Emerging Artist Showcase. Letitia still has new friend smell. As I was walking from the subway I lost her last name, when someone is named Letitia you don't need to use her last name often. I came up with Savant, you can see why. I knew it was wrong but let it go in the hope it would come to me. It did! I have to keep in mind director, Gus Van Sant, not musician Townes as he spells it differently. I could feel stupid for having to work on instead I feel like a savant going from Savant to VanSant.
I got there around the perfect time, during sound check. That meant I could go down and get the merch straightened away. We did it downstairs in Stage 3, which is much nicer than doing it in the crush upstairs. There was no third show last night, so we weren't hurried out. When I do merch in Stage 3 I sit in the opposite corner of the room than my usual seat. I can't see from there, because I'm blind, no problem with sight lines, but it is more relaxing and comfortable. I can hear fine.
I should be listening to Letitia now, but I was too lazy to get up to get the CD and rip it. I should because I don't have a handle on how to write about her. She writes very good songs, she performs them very well, she's not a nice person singing nice songs nicely. There's substance. When I started writing Wise Madness I felt no need to analyze the performers. I would often just mention I was at the show. Then I started and now feel the pressure to always do so. It's like the pitcher who said he didn't want to win 20 games because if you do it once they expect you to do it every year.
I have more of a handle on Emily, she fits in a niche I find easy to write about, formally trained musicians. Her training is in oboe, which she didn't play at all. What amazes me is that she can write for two celli even though the cello is far afield from the oboe. She said she was so happy that she could have two cellos. My response which I stifled was, "Celli not Cellos!" Someone else did not stifle it and said it! I praised him. The entire decline in American civilization has come from not using proper foreign language plurals. If we maintained those standards Trump would not be president.
The only ones I knew in the audience were Howard and Emily's husband. Howard has known Emily longer than I have. I thought I turned him on to her. I know what he likes. Howard not only goes to more music than me his idea of a local show is broader than mine; it includes Canada. He just came back from Montreal.
You know what a savant I am for remembering Letitia's last name? Don't worry, I'm still an idiot. I am totally blanking on Emily's husband's name. I know he's a brewer. I know it's Big Alice brewing. I know I like him though I forgot that they place we had a substantial conversation was at the Budgiedome. Sorry Emily's husband. I do remember that he has a name, he's not like Lot's wife; he's not just an appendage of his spouse. Did Lots' wife not being named bother anyone else? Mrs. Noah didn't have a name either. Do you think that Moses apologized to Mrs. Lot and Mrs. Noah because he forgot their names? He should have; it's common courtesy. Once you fess up nobody will hold it against you.
I had tentative plans for today but the person I had them with has not gotten back to me. I might end up going into the City anyway. I have not bought clothes in years. I'm thinking of going to Goodwill and see what they have. It depends on how bad the weather is. I need eggs and I prefer getting them at Trader Joe's but if I don't go to Goodwill I'll just go to Stop & Shop. Maybe there is someplace I can get inexpensive clothes in that shopping center. There is a Marshall's! OK the plan is if my friend doesn't call I'll go to Stop & Shop and Marshall's.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
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