I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2001-03-29 - 10:55 p.m.
I'm trying something different tonight; I'm writing this offline. I think I can do it faster without the distractions. I'm not in very good shape; I was up all night last night. As I said in my last entry the spasms didn't end till 5 AM and I still couldn't sleep. I went to school and was in lots of pain. I had the most difficulty parking I have ever had at the train station and missed my train. If I could walk at my usual speed I wouldn't have. This meant I was 20 minutes late for class. I was able to teach with difficulty but ended the class about 10 minutes early. I was able to cover everything I wanted to though. I think I even did a good job. I gave them a take-home test to do this weekend. I hope they do well. The test is actually easier than I usually give. I hope they can pass it.
When I got home I immediately called my primary care physician. I wanted to talk to another gastroenterologist, I was not happy with my treatment from my regular one. The doctor wasn't in but his nurse gave me the name of another doctor and I was able to make an appointment for today. He was so much more thorough. He gave me a complete exam instead of just talking to me. He found that I had a mass in my abdomen as I expected. It is probably just inflammation but it could be an abscess or even a tumor though that is unlikely. To clarify things I'm getting a CAT scan tomorrow. I was also given more blood tests. He put me on lots of new medications. As I thought I should I'm back on the Immuran aka 6MP. It is an immunosuppressant that is mainly used to fight leukemia. It really won't do anything for at least a month though. I also am off the asacol and on a similar medication that is better because it is released in the small intestine, that is where I have my problems. I'm on a new anti-biotic, I think it's called flagil, I'm not sure it's the generic name on the bottle. He gave me a prescription for Tylenol with Codeine for the pain. I have to take it sparingly though. A side effect is that it slows down your digestive system. I took some tonight when the pain got unbearable. It might have actually helped. So that's it I'm on all new meds now, maybe they will help. At least I'm doing something. My old gastroenterologist lost a patient today.
I was supposed to see my nephew in Fiddler on the Roof tonight but I cancelled that. There was no way I'm up to it. I'm canceling my volunteering at WFUV tomorrow too for rest and the CAT scan. I'm hoping to be up to seeing Dan Bern at the Bottom Line tomorrow night. After that I think I'm canceling all my plans for a bit. I think I should add a new segment to my diary as long as I'm sick, my daily weight. The only bright side to all this is that I'm losing weight. I started at 195 lbs and would like to weigh 160 lbs. As of now I'm 177.5 lbs and losing about a pound a day now. It's not a diet I recommend but it sure is effective.
Let's see if I can write a bit about something other than me. The thing I keep thinking about now is the Middle East. Hamas, the PLO, and the Israeli army all seem to be in the midst of a recruitment campaign for their enemies. When the Hamas targets children like they are doing they know it is going to cause severe reprisals. This is of course really part of their plan. They want the reprisals as they recruit people for their cause and the Israeli Government has been acting according to plan. Arafat is afraid to lead; he is just reflecting the rage of the worst elements of the mob. The Israeli government is concerned with looking tough not finding solutions now. Everyone seems oblivious to the fact that till everyone's needs and insecurities are met there won't be peace.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile 2001-03-29
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