I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2001-03-29 - 5:27 a.m.
I'm writing this at 5:15 AM as I suspected I would. Let's catch up and see why. After getting back from my super trip to Baltimore and Alexandria last night I was feeling so much better. I got a good night's sleep and went to teach today. The classes went fine but I was feeling very weak. I figured the reason is that I had had nothing to eat yesterday except for some apple juice. I wanted to volunteer a bit at WFUV and needed energy. After class I bought a scoop of Sedutto's Chocolate Ice Cream at Penn Station, which I ate on the train. The ice cream on Monday didn't have that bad an effect and I figured I was even better now. It was a huge mistake. I got to FUV and did have some fun. Only one of my volunteer friends was there but we talked I took some calls and it was a nice break. It's always nice talking to my friends who work there too. I asked about the surprise that they were supposed to have for me but Jill didn't know about it. I'll ask Karen when I go back on Friday if I feel up to it. I only stayed a couple of hours and went home. Then it hit me. I had major spasms. It might as well have been a week ago. They hit between 6 and 7 so I knew I'd probably be in pain till 4 or 5. I knew I couldn't really write till then but might want to go online to relax when it passed. My timing went pretty much as expected.
I did have a nice talk with Leah tonight till I ceased to be able to concentrate. Then I actually made up most of the test I need for tomorrow. I surprised myself that I was able to write it feeling the way I did.
Carey was at play practice but I called her and left a message for her to call me when she got back. Talking to her is one of the few things that seem to help when I'm having these attacks. She did and it made it bearable for a while. I was even able to laugh a bit.
After that it was a night of moaning in bed. I can't stand being sick any more. At one point I got up and finished my test and printed it out. So at least I've done my teaching duties.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to drive my parents up to my sister's after school to see my nephew, Max, in "Fiddler on the Roof." Now I love Max and my sister but I don't want to go. It's a two-hour drive and I can't trust myself to be up to it. I won't get any sleep tonight so I'll be dead. My mother will give me such a hard time though if I bug out.
One thing I know. I'm not eating anything tomorrow. I cannot take the pain.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile 2001-03-29
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