I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
December 10, 2013 - 12:36 p.m.
Today's blog can be interesting. Once again I vowed to not talk about my anxiety but once again it forced itself in and I can't ignore it and be honest. But that's jumping ahead of myself. That will be at the end. It's called foreshadowing. Like my fancy literary techniques?
After updating I ran down to therapy. OK I guess the anxiety might make an earlier appearance. I had time to get hot chocolate first. The place across the street from my therapists makes the hot chocolate with either 2% milk or half and half. I am totally decadent and have the half and half. I'm pretty sure that does more good than the therapy. It noticeably decreased my anxiety level.
After therapy I had an awkward amount of time to kill before John Platt's On Your Radar. Even though I had a book to read I went into The Strand. Good choice. I love "Dead Souls" but I've had trouble getting myself to read it so I went to the science fiction/fantasy section and found a Discworld book I haven't read, Witches Abroad. I also got Hal Clement's Heavy Planet, real hard science fiction. When I'm not in the best reading shape I go to Science Fiction, Fantasy, and historical adventure novels. That or science fact.
Then I headed down to the Lower East Side. My first stop was The Sixth Ward, the bar we went to after the Jesse Terry show. I thought I might have left my Perry the Platypus water bottle there. I did! He has been fighting Doctor Doofenschmirtz from their refrigerator.
Oh there's Perry
You can't see much of Perry any more but I know he's there.
Then I went to Georgia Barbecue and ordered the one thing that isn't great there, the wings. I forgot they aren't great. But the cheese grits with bacon bits were wonderful. When I was done it was still early but went over to Rockwood Music Hall anyway. Not the best show for that as I didn't know any of the performers to hang out with. I made a phone call and played on my phone. That was problemat as I had forgotten my charger at home. I was busy trying to find someone to see the Christine Lavin/Uncle Bonsai holiday show with tonight. I have an extra ticket. I did not have success. So if you're interested let me know ASAP. If you have my number, call.
I was happy when they opened the doors. I sat as usual with Lori not LORi, Rona, and Bob. For a short time Kat joined us but she had to leave early.
This was an unusual On Your Radar, three local acts, all bands, and none of them folk. It was a electric night. The artists were Julie Haltigan, The Looking, and Alan Semerdjian. All three did a great job of promoting the show and the place was packed. The only downer was that many people were there to just see one act. I heard reports of people talking through the other acts. I know lots of people left as each band finished. To me the entire point of On Your Radar is to learn about new artists.
Alan Semerdjian
Alan was the folkiest of the three. Reminded me a bit of Jesse Terry but I'm not sure where that came from. While I have faith in my pattern recognition this might be all in my head. His music was singer/songwriter fare.
The Looking
The Looking is totally out of left field. Todd, the driving force, has an opera background. He did mainly, perhaps all, covers. He even did MY SONG! Who knows my signature song as a singer? I always see the same hands up. Carey we all know you know. It drove you out of the continent. MY SONG is Ol' Man River. Todd reinvented it.
Julia Haltigan
Julia I should have known. She followed Miss Tess in a residency for an entire month and I went to every show but was always too tired to stay for her set, it started late and wasn't in the most convenient venue in the far East Village. But I should have stayed. She rock! Oh and her music is rock. There were Strats on stage all night.
I hung out more than usual last night talking to Alex and friends of his. I am now going to show off. I remember the names of his friends, Seth, and Cat. Yes another Cat, Kat, Kath, person. You can't tell the players WITH a scorecard. This is worse than when all my friends were named Chris. It's a CATastrophe.
On the ride home I started reading Witches Abroad and immediately felt the best I have in a while. I doubt any anti-anxiety med would work any better. I had my usual "Pratchett totally gets it" moments. It somehow freed me from anxiety cage I've been trapped in. As I've said before I visualize things before I do them. I visualize all possible outcomes of things. Recently I have not been able to visualize the good outcomes. And here language is failing me. visualize implies seeing but it's more than that. What I do is see, hear, smell, touch, taste, and most of all feel. I have not been able to feel what it would be like if I opened the box and Schr�dinger's cat were alive. I could feel what it would be like if it were dead all too well. I read for five minutes and that changed. That's magic. I'm sure I was radiating octarine.
This is why I never tried drugs. I know I'm prone to addiction. I can't give up that Discworld fix. That's harmless of course. No it's actually helpful. But addiction doesn't know from that. It just knows that wave of feeling good.
Wow it's later than I thought. I'm going to make breakfast then do some reading and feel good again.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile December 10, 2013
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