I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2002-03-22 - 9:24 a.m.
My body is not being nice to me now. With diarrhea and a cold I'm the dehydration poster boy. To top it off I got up at 5 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. So lets see if despite this I can write a coherent entry.
I timed yesterday's class almost perfectly. I handed out a sheet of review problems and finished all but one of them. They should do well on this test. They really only have to learn to do four kinds of problems.
I was going to stay in my office a bit after class but I had forgotten my cold pills and was feeling bad so I went home. I just missed the 3:49 and had to wait for the 4:25. I used the time to try out the new coffee bar in Penn Station. They are pretty good. I actually went to them twice, I had a frozen mocha when I went in and an iced coffee on the way home. It's always good to have another Starbucks alternative.
It ended up being nice that I missed the first train because I met Alan on the 4:25. I don't often have company on my commute. It is amazing how many Stuyvesant HS students take that train. It always makes me think of Gella.
I haven't seen my father since I got the cold. I hope it's gone tomorrow so I can see him. He's coming home next Friday!! Maybe we can get our lives back to normal. There finally got an opening at the closer dialysis center. It's only about a mile and a half away. If my mother and I aren't around he can even take the bus right there.
Last night I was pleasantly surprised by a call from Leah. She called during a performance of Sweet Charity that she's in. I have not been speaking to her nearly enough to make me happy.
I planned on watching lots of TV last night so what happens? While I have the Knick game on and I'm talking to Carey on the phone we lost the electricity for a second. That wouldn't have been a problem but it somehow knocked out the cable. By the time it was fixed I missed everything I wanted to watch. Then to add insult to injury Law and Order wasn't on at 11.
If I feel up to it I'm going to see Piñataland and b-blush in Brooklyn tonight. I hope that Shana can make it. I usually see Piñataland with her and she lives right on the way. I get more google hits for Piñataland than any other band I write about.
There are two strange things that I get hits for constantly, "happy and peppy and bursting with love," and "Doc Bruce Banner Belted by Gamma Rays." The first is a song from an episode of the Odd Couple, the second is the theme from the Incredible Hulk cartoon.
I usually try to somehow segue from the events of my day to my philosophical ramblings but I can't find a good one today. This is just something I've been thinking about quite a bit lately. I don't know exactly what triggered it but it keeps entering my head; the idea of personal responsibility and blame. The Andrea Yates case is a good place to start. She is the woman that killed her children to save them from the Devil. If there was ever a case of a person being not guilty by reason of insanity it is she. She had a documented mental illness before she killed her kids. Her doctor had just taken her off anti-psychotic drugs and she had a relapse. She had no sane motive for killing them. Yet despite all this she was convicted. My guess is that the jury felt that she was insane but didn't like the idea of her going free. She wouldn't have of course, she would have been put in a mental hospital. Under Texas law the jurors were not allowed to be told that though. I could of course rant endlessly about the Texas justice system, the basic idea is, convict as many people as you can, punish them as harshly as possible, and if they are actually guilty consider that a bonus.
Now back to my point. I don't hold her responsible at all. She is not morally culpable. She is not capable of making moral judgements. In her mind she was saving her children. She did something horrible but that doesn't make her evil.
To me that's an easy case. What is harder are the cases where people have undergone stresses that most of us never have to. As I've mentioned before the majority of violent felons were abused as children. That doesn't excuse their behavior of course. Carey and I were just discussing how many friends we have that were abused. They are really wonderful people. Most abused children don't become criminals but enough do that I think it is a special circumstance. We cannot excuse their crimes but it should be taken into account and society would be better off trying to treat them in addition to punishing them.
There is something emotionally unsatisfying about this though. We want to hate our enemies. We want them to just be evil. I've had situations where I've had disputes with people then started feeling sorry for them. Sometimes I found a reason they acted the way they did. Sometimes I just felt that there must be something behind their behavior. It makes things complex. People like things simple.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018
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Horvendile 2002-03-22
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