I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2001-03-08 - 05:05:17
Lots of pressure on me today. Last night I told Carey that since I was giving a test I'd have time to plan out a good diary entry and write a poem. So now I have expectations to live up to. I'll never learn to keep my mouth shut will I?
You might have noticed that I've been out of that great mood I was in for so long. I realized that I was torturing myself. I've been dwelling on some bad things and not the good things in my life. Some of the things are really stupid too. I was twisting things to make me question the depths of my friendship with some people. I really need to joke about these things more. When you joke about something it gives you power over it. For me the best example of this is my health. I have not had the best health in my life yet it never really gets me down. I can always laugh at it. Here is a rundown of my Hospital stays and some things I've enjoyed about them.
1. My first hospital stay was in 1958 at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, I was just under a year old. I had my adenoids taken out. I was sick with ear problems for most of my first year. Most of the doctors thought I'd go deaf. Luckily for me they were wrong and the one who operated was right. Music is such an important part of my life I'd be such a different person if I was deaf. Now of course I don't remember this stay so I don't have anything fun to say about it.
2. 1963 - I broke my leg. I've written about this before so I won't go into it again. I don't really remember much about this visit either.
3. 1966 – My Appendectomy. On New Year's Day I woke up with a stomachache. By the end of the day I was off to the hospital for emergency surgery. My fun memories were the wheel chair races in the hallway. When I broke my leg I couldn't really use the wheelchair. This time I didn't need it but it was fun. My big fear going in was that I'd wake up during the operations since I saw that happen on Dr Kildare, or maybe Ben Casey.
4. 1970 – The Crohn's disease first hit me. It might have been late 1969. This is when I became a puzzle master. I got so many as gifts. There was one that said if you solved it you'd get double your money back. I had these elaborate plans to keep taking the money and buying more puzzles so I'd keep doubling my money till I was a millionaire. I never did it of course.
5. 1981 – The TMI Special. How can I put this? I had a bad reaction to antihistamines; yes I was basically allergic to allergy medicine. The symptom was an inability to urinate. So what do they do? They put a Foley Catheter in me till it cleared up. The big irony was that the nurse who was taking care of me was incredibly sexy and I had this stupid tube in me. Talk about frustrating. When she was the one who removed it, it added insult to injury. Even at the time I thought that was pretty funny.
6. 1983 – I had my Gall bladder removed. Lots of fun stuff here. This was my horror movie stay. A few days after the operation my stomach started to swell up. It started looking like the guy in Alien right before the baby Alien popped out. It felt like it too. I thought I was going to explode. The residents rushed in to try and do something. They had to put an NG tube in me. That is a tube that runs through your nose down into your stomach. It would allow the contents of it to drain. Now if you have met me you might have noticed I have a narrow nose. Inside it's even narrower. I have tiny nasal passages. That made inserting the tube very difficult and painful. I was ready to kill the docs doing it. It took them many attempts; it kept coming out my mouth instead of going into my stomach. When they finally succeeded I had my revenge. They were standing at the end of my bed when all the pressure in me was released in an eruption of projectile vomit that Linda Blair would have envied. It was black, and moved at great speed. I hit the doctors standing 10 feet away from me. I almost broke out laughing. It was gross but hysterical.
7. 1996 – Crohn's II the Revenge of Cheese. I was at my friend's house and she made me take a bite of this cheese that had been sitting in the refrigerator at school for over a year. After I did my stomach began to hurt. Over the next 12 hours I had a rerun of the amazing inflating stomach I had after the Gall Bladder operation. I went to the hospital and it was NG tube time once again. Once again the docs had lots of trouble. This time I had these two Batnoses as the residents. One was so insane. He was telling us how he had inserted an NG tube in himself. Not only that but he had given himself a Foley Catheter. In case you forgot that's the one I got when I had the urinary problem. Figure out where it goes. Of course couldn't do it. Every doctor in the place tried. Finally a nurse succeeded by brute force. I was in agony but you gotta love that crazy doc.
8. 1999 – My hernia. This was not supposed to be a hospital stay but guess what. After the operation I couldn't urinate. Boy do I follow patterns. So I had to stay in the hospital overnight. I wasn't happy but looked on the bright side. I got to grab lots of pairs of Slocks, those great slipper socks that I can never find anywhere but the hospital. Two days later I went off painkillers for a night so I could drive to see Dave's True Story. I'm insane in case you hadn't noticed.
So as you can see I haven't been healthy but it's never depressed me. It's just been something I accept and a source of stories. I once had a contest with someone comparing disgusting stories. She won most of them but I won the projectile vomit even. I was so proud.
So why do I have trouble accepting other things? Why do I constantly complain about my lack of a love life? I wish I knew. I'm trying really hard now to laugh at it all. One big difference is that I never think of the medical stuff as being about me. It's about my body. I don't really consider it personal or private.
This entry may not be good but at least its long. Is anyone still there? I think I'm going to cut the next part that I planned during the test. I'll save it for another night.
Now I did promise a poem. Here it is.
Time can pass so quickly.
Just yesterday I started school.
But time can pass so slow,
When spending time with a fool.
There is a time more slow though.
A time when time can stop.
It's when you have high expectations,
Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Good luck Carey!!!
Now remember the test? This is an entry about a test. I have never taught "math for poets" and didn't know how long it would take. It took me about 5 minutes. I was pretty sure it was short but you can never tell. I wanted to give a really easy test.
The test started at 12:30 and at 1:05 I was a bit worried. I thought someone would be finished by then. I shouldn't have worried. At 1:10 people started handing in their tests. The test was over at 1:50 and there was only one person left then. I think the class did well but no one got the extra credit question right. It was "fill in the missing term in the series." 34, 42, 50, __, 72, 81, 86. The answer is Columbus Circle. It's the stops on the 1 train that most of them take to school. We get off at Columbus Circle.
I'm going to cut out all my other notes because I want to talk about something that happened tonight. Alina came to work 2 hours late. When she walked in I knew something was wrong. She was in a fight and was cut and hit in the head. She is running in totally the wrong circles. I wish she could be a friend with my friends her age. She'd totally get along with Gella and Kat and not be involved with people who would do that to her. I took her home. It was way out of my way and took forever but what could I do? If you do nice things so that others will appreciate them you are a fool. You have to do them because it's what you need to do or you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I've had friends be upset with me for doing things for people who never show appreciation. I can't help it though. There are people I feel protective to and that's it. All that being said I felt so good when Alina sent me a Valentine thanking me for what I've done for her. You can't expect it but when it comes, the appreciation is great.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018
creative commons
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile 2001-03-08
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