I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2001-10-25 - 12:07 a.m.
Today was a male bonding day. Marc called me in the afternoon. Marc used to be my partner in my Fantasy Baseball league. Now we both own our own teams. I used to talk to him at least once a week but we have drifted apart. I really should talk to him more. He is someone I can have real conversations with. I just don't wait for him to finish what he is saying so that I can speak and I never worry that I'll have nothing to say to him. We just let the conversation currents take us where they will. Today we talked about baseball of course, basketball, the nature of intelligence and music among other things.
Tonight I played bridge with Roy. We actually did well again, that makes two weeks in a row. Someone commented on how it is always fun to play against us. We get that a lot. So many people take the game too seriously. We are always smiling, act pleasant, and make lots of jokes. There is one player who is the exact opposite. When you come to his table he is always berating his partner. He started giving me a hard time today too. I used to be very hard on Roy. When he'd make a mistake I'd let him no it in no uncertain terms. This did no one any good. It would make him tense and he'd play worse. Now I take things more in stride. Tonight he got a bid wrong that we discussed 10 minutes before it came up. In the old days I'd have gone ballistic, well actually just very sarcastic. Now I've mellowed.
If I told you what my biggest flaw, as a bridge player was I bet many of you would be surprised. It's that I have trouble counting. There are so many things you have to count in bridge; all four suits, all the high cards, the number of tricks you've won, and the number you've lost. It really comes down to remembering all the cards played. Memory is not my strong suit. Counting is the single most important skill in bridge; it is what separates the good players from the rest. So how can I compete? I'm good at the other aspects of the game. I have really good judgment; I know how good my hand really is. I also play an excellent system that is well suited to me.
So that was my male bonding. I seem to spend most of my time talking to women now. Yet I can't get a girlfriend, ironic isn't it?
For some reason that isn't getting me that down now. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm more concerned about my friends. Carey seems to be in a somewhat better state. I wish I could have been home tonight when she called. I'm still worried about Leah, I wish I could do something to really help her. I want to send special hugs out to Shelly. I hope seeing Hoopoe with me will make her feel better.
Before I forget, Carey, Jaci, don't avoid the wall. The wall is much more fun when you are there. I know it triggers some bad feelings inside of you but it shouldn't. The only thing stupid about either one of you is thinking that you are stupid.
A fun little postscript. I used Alta Vista's translation service, babel fish to translate this entry into French. I then translated it back into English. This is what came out. You have the male (metallization)
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile 2001-10-25
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