I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 23, 2013 - 11:13 a.m.


Kate Middleton the Duchess of Cambridge had a son. He's third in line for the British throne. I have already written too much about it,

Nothing new on the apartment so we'll move on. I booked another week here.

I knew I'd entertain my therapist yesterday. I talked very fast, I had a lot to say. How could she not enjoy hearing about how my anxiety comes out of my habit of visualizing everything I do? She says I never told her I visualize everything. I told you right? What I realized is that my anxiety is the wheels falling off that process. Yes I share my therapy with you. I just don't tell you the parts I can't tell you that I don't tell you.

I had the dilemma of what to do between therapy and my evening plans. Even though I didn't have to be anywhere till nine and I get out at 4:30 I somehow didn't eat dinner. I did have a syringe of molten chocolate from Max Brenner. I think that's better than therapy.

So what was I doing at nine? I told you yesterday and on Facebook if you were paying attention. I went to see the charismatic Kat Quinn. Double alliteration with three different letters I get extra points for that! You know it's a home game when one of the backup singers, the captivating Caitlin Mahoney, recognized me from behind and says "Hi Gordon" so I have to turn around and see who said that.

I wish I had a brain. When I was listening last night I thought to myself that one song was the quintessential Kat Quinn song but now have no idea what it is. Part of the problem is that she has only recorded four songs so I only hear them live. Wait she recorded a fifth and I don't have it. It's a download. Did I not get a download card? I'm an idiot. I think that might be the song I'm thinking of too.

I find it hard to write about Kat's music. I don't want to always say the same things. I was about to say cognitive dissonance but It's wrong. It isnt that the words and music convey different emotions, What makes her interesting is that if you don't pay attention you might think it's just well crafted pop, empty calories. The melodies are catchy. They are even bouncy. You have to listen to hear the depth. The words are actually saying something and the music is not as simple as it sounds on the surface. I get afraid people might look at her and not pay much attention and dismiss her as "just another pretty girl with a ukulele." Yes she's pretty. Yes she's a girl. Yes she plays a ukulele on some songs. What she isn't is "just another."

Now I'm obsessed with a newish song (funny it doesnt look newish) Courage, did I get it right? About someone sending a love letter on a paper airplane. You know what that means; I make a paper airplane and launch it at her every time she does it. My plan yesterday was to make a really fancy one at school. I wanted to look online if I could find a heart shaped paper plane or perhaps one I could cut into a heart shaped plane. Or perhaps just print hearts all over it. But no of course I didn't do that. Instead I just tore a page out of my notebook and folded it into a plane while she sang other songs. I then drew two hearts on it. Even though I was pretty sure nobody would ever look I got into the character of the man in the song when making the plane. I didn't write an entire love letter, which I think I might have to next time, but just wrote "I love you" on the two side of the center fold that is hidden when the plane is in flight. Sometimes the jokes are just meant for me. At least this time she saw the plane. She even saw me fold it. The other times she didn't see it go by. I love these private rituals. I also stand every time the Kennedys sing Stand.

Before the show Eliot came by to say hi. He was next door in Rockwood 2 seeing Richard Julian. I'd have been there too if I weren't seeing Kat. Damn, that's the best thing I can say about her. She's worth missing Richard Julian for! If you know Richard you know that is high praise indeed.

When I got out of there it was raining so I raced for the subway and figured I'd eat back in Brooklyn. I have to pass Popeye's so it wouldn't mean any extra time in the rain and there was a chance that it might stop before I got there.

The easiest way of getting back to Crown Heights from there is to take the Brooklyn bound to Jay Street then walk outside two blocks to the Borough Hall stop on the . But that involves walking two blocks outside and I was afraid it might be pouring. So Instead I went the roundabout route. I took the one stop uptown, switched to the and transferred to the at Atlantic Terminal. I had just missed a downtown so I thought it might even be faster. It wasn't I waited forever of the uptown and another one came downtown first. But I was rewarded. I met David on the platform. I love meeting people on the street and subway and I so rarely do, except for Seth and Jean. He was going back to the Village. It was a long wait but it's always fun talking to him.

This was supposed to be a short entry and I was going to write about something else. I'll try again another time.

I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.

Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018

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Horvendile July 23, 2013
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