I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2002-04-07 - 1:33 a.m.
Today went much as expected. It started with a nice surprise though. Jena and her mother sent us flowers. That was so sweet of them. During the day we had lots of visitors. I had a nice break when I had to go out and buy more ice and soda; I needed it. I also ran away to my room for a bit to for some downtime and to go online. Don't get me wrong though. For the most part I was very happy for the company. There were some great people here. It's always great to see Alison's friends Louis and Sylvia and their kids, Marjorie and Denny. They are the family we usually spend Passover with. We had to miss it the last year because I was in the hospital and this year because of my father. Later we reminisced with our next-door neighbors Hilda, and her kids Arthur and Wendy about the neighborhood when we were kids. Arthur is three years older than me but was my best friend till I started school.
Max had to get back to Tufts today and we had to plan how to get him there. We decided that he'd take the LIRR to Penn Station then Amtrak back to Boston. He would have about 20 minutes after he got there to catch his train, which seemed like perfect timing. The one catch is that I gave the wrong directions to the LIRR station. He had to go to the Queens Village station where I hardly ever go. I wanted to drive him and if I had there would have been no problem. Lewis's kids wanted to spend some time with him so they took him though. It was one major street past where I thought it was. They asked directions and he just made the train though. It's a good thing that I kept pushing them to leave. I know that Alison is always late so I gave them 20 minutes to get there even though it's only 5 minutes away.
Tonight it was just the immediate family. We had dinner, sat around talked and watched the Met game. We had our usual fights but in general it was really nice. After my sisters left it was just my mother and me. I stayed with her till the end of the Met game after which we both needed our rest.
People keep apologizing that they aren't doing enough; that somehow what they are doing is inadequate. I realized that I had done exactly the same thing when writing to Jaci. We are all being unrealistic. Think back to any time when you had troubles and people tried to comfort you. No one ever says magic words that made the pain go away. Real people don't have the power of Tom Bombadil to drive away all our fears and sorrows with their words and songs. That doesn't mean that they didn't help though. I don't think I've ever not been helped by someone trying to make me feel better. No matter how clumsy their words or actions the fact that they tried made me feel better in and of itself. As far as you are all concerned none of your words or actions have been in the least bit clumsy. You are all helping me get through this.
I'm listening to Hedwig now. It is the first non-classical CD I've listened to since my father died. As usual it is working it's magic. I just had to take a break from typing to "lift up my hands." I told Max about it today and played him a bit of it even though I couldn't listen to it then. I think I've given him the Hedwig bug. If anyone hears about it playing in the Boston area let me know.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile 2002-04-07
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