I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
2002-04-08 - 12:12 p.m.
I have always processed my life by having imaginary conversations with my friends. Now I often just think of how I'll put things in my diary. It helps me see my life from an outside perspective. I imagine how others will react to what I say. There are times when something really bothers me but I realize how silly it would sound if I told somebody else. There is a great passage in LOTR about this.
A great sleepiness came over Frodo; he felt himself sinking fast into a warm and hazy dream. He thought a fire was heating his toes, and out of shadows on the other side of hearth he heard Bilbo's voice speaking. I don't think much of your diary, he said. Snowstorms on January the twelfth: there was no need to come back and report that!But I wanted to rest and sleep, Bilbo, Frodo answered with an effort�
Yesterday went pretty much like Saturday. Early in the afternoon my sisters and my mother had friends over, not ones that I really had much to say to which left be feeling a bit lonely. I am never really one for social gatherings at the best of times. I took a break for a bit and tried to call Carey. She wasn't home so I went online for a bit. When I came rejoined everyone my first cousin once removed, (my cousin's daughter) Elena had just arrived. I really like her. Leah reminds me so much of her. Then Alan and Aubrey came over and I started to feel better. Elena's fianc� asked to see my coin collection, which made my day. I've been collecting since I was a kid but I always feel that I force other people to look at it. Alison and I reverted to a childhood dynamic as I was going through it. I was keeping everything in order and showing it in my own time and order. She kept reaching into the box and grabbing things. I think everyone was quite amused.
Certain stories kept getting repeated. We have discussed the worm that came out of my sister Sue's diaper at least 3 times since the funeral. The worm gets bigger every time. When I was reading Gella's diary I thought of another story I've told a few times. When I was six our neighbor's dog had a litter of puppies. We were discussing whether or not to take one. When my parents asked me my first reaction was of course I want a dog. There was one thing I had to think through first though. I was six at the time. I knew a dog usually lives around 12 years. I said to myself, "I'll be about 18 when she dies, I'll be able to handle it then." I then thought about my parents. I decided that I wouldn't be mature enough to handle their deaths till I was 40. I made it till I was 44.
My mother told the story of how I came home crying from school in Kindergarten or first grade. I came home and said "You and daddy are going to die." The class had been discussing how old our parents were and my parents as always were the oldest. I don't remember this at all but I know my mother wasn't confusing me with my sisters as they wouldn't have been the oldest parents in my sisters' classes.
This morning the practical matters are getting taken care of. I went to the vault and emptied the safe deposit box. Sue is going to start making the phone calls today. I have to run now to get to class. No matter what else happens life has to go on.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018
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Horvendile 2002-04-08
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