I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
February 15, 2016 - 11:31 a.m.
Did you miss me yesterday? I didn't post. I left the house at 5:13 AM and got home after 10 PM. Yes, I could have written then. I hope you can forgive me.
As you might guess from the hours I was volunteering at WFUV. The drive started at 7AM and I stayed until 8 PM. Last I heard I was the only volunteer slated for the 7 AM - 11 AM shift so I couldn't be late. I made it just in time. I did something idiotic on the commute. When I got off the at Fordham Rd the MTA Bus Time Website said catching the next BX9 would be close. The bus was one minute away when I was on stop away on the train. I got off and ran to the street saw the bus at the stop and hopped on. After going a few blocks I saw things looked wrong. I didn't recognize where I was. I checked Google maps. I was going the wrong way. I was in such a rush I went down the wrong side of Fordham Rd. I got off, crossed the street and waited for the bus going the other way. One of the reasons I was rushing was that it was –4°F with a wind chill of –22°. When I took the fingers off my mittens to check when the next bus was coming my fingers froze, especially where they touched the cold phone. The rest of me was fine as I had gone to defcon 4; warmest jacket, long underwear, warm hoodie under my coat, warmest hat, the hoodie hood and the jacket hood over the hat, the aforementioned hoodie, wool thermal socks, insulated boots, and a scarf over my face. The big problem was that thanks to my scarf my glasses fogged up from my breath. I couldn't see much. The wait was only six minutes and I was fine. I caught the next bus, the one I would have caught if I hadn't made the mistake and got to the station a few minutes before 7. We beat Linda in even and the volunteer room was locked. Good thing Jim knew where the key was. I should know that too.
It ended up we got a lot of volunteers the last few days so we had enough people. We needed them as the phones were very busy. I wonder if it helped that it was Kathleen's birthday. She's the host of A Thousand Welcomes the show on from 8 AM till 11 AM. I didn't have to answer phones but I was kept very busy supervising. There was some chaos involving limited number premia.
There was an hour break at 11 when the mass is broadcast. Laura stayed and kept me company. Danielle from membership stayed too. It was nice having her there as she could answer a lot of questions. It was also nice because I like her so between Danielle and Laura I had good company.
We did not have as many volunteers for Ceol na nGael the Irish show on in the afternoon. I had to answer a lot of calls then. Joannie Madden called in and when she gets on the air the phones light up. As soon as I hung up the phone it rang again. I love that, it's exciting. It's a situation I'm good at, I can take a pledge very fast and still let the caller feel that I'm giving her my attention. I can schmooze fast.
Things slowed down for the next shift, Bob Sherman's Woody's Children and Sunday Supper hosted by John Platt. Those are the last vestiges of the old WFUV folk music on the station, what made me a listener in the first place. That was an unusual volunteer crew. There were Brian and Gary who have been doing this longer than me, one other adult volunteer, and four students from the Bronx High School of Science. The students encountered a few difficult situations where I had to take over.
I meant to leave at 8 but I ended up training some people for the next shift and didn't get out of there till 8:30. When I left it had warmed up to a balmy 14°F. I wanted to stop at Pathmark on the way home so I just walked to the . That takes 18 minutes but I didn't even put on the scarf. It was less windy than earlier and I was not in the least bit cold.
Do you like the romantic way I spent my Valentine's Day? As I told Katrina, I maintained my perfect record of never having a Valentine. That doesn't mean that I hate Valentine's Day. I hate not having a Valentine every day. I don't feel particularly bad on the day. I just felt that it gave me an excuse to write about it today. It's something that I don't think I've ever said here before even though I think about it often. It's a bit part of why I write as much as I do about being lonely. The reason I so rarely mention this is that I get afraid that talking about it will make it less likely that I will ever find someone to love and be loved in return. But guess what not mentioning it as clearly not helped, I might as well do what the prime purpose of this blog is, saying what's going on inside my head.
I say that but I'm still not saying everything. Things are rough now. I'm scared. My life has not gone as planned. Well at least my breakfast will. I stopped at Pathmark for bacon and eggs and that's what I'm going to eat, along with a bagel.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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