I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
March 04, 2017 - 10:50 a.m.
I have to get up to the hospital where I see my psychiatrist today. I'm out of meds. That is not good. That's what comes of missing a week of therapy. It's not too bad. I had enough for yesterday. I'll take them as soon as I pick them up at the hospital. It would be very easy to convince myself that I'm feeling anxious and depressed now. I am feel anxious and depressed but it's not from being an hour late taking my pills, it's from thinking about being an hour late taking my pills. There's a reason they do double blind studies. It's very easy to convince yourself you are having a positive response or a negative side effect. I'm always aware of this and don't jump to conclusions. I still haven't decided if Irish butter tastes noticeably different than American butter. The first time I cooked with MSG I stopped and considered if I had a headache. As soon as I did I had a headache. The minute I stopped thinking about it the headache went away and despite using it in so much of my cooking I have not had a headache since. Challenging your perceptions is one of my recurring themes.
Earlier in the week Dan asked on Facebook if anyone wanted to see Ben Sollee on Friday, he couldn't use his tickets. I was the first to say yes. I had never seen Ben Sollee and was not familiar with his music but he is a folk singer that accompanies himself on the cello; that is enough to get me interested. The show was part of the Naked Soul series at the Rubin Museum. That's a great place to see a show. The shows are acoustic. The performers are not naked. The gentleman next to me and I had fun imagining if the performers had no clothes on. Ben would have it easier than most, a cello covers all the naughty bits.
I went with Chris Dan gave his other ticket to another friend but Chris had his own ticket and it's general admission seating. I left one bus later than I planned but it worked out fine. I was the fourth person on line. Chris came a few minutes after me and we sat in the first row. As it's acoustic and I'm blind that's where I prefer.
Ben plays the cello great and can sing but what I enjoyed the most was the patter and shtick which often revolved around playing things on the cello. He's very funny; not in the Vance Gilbert outrageous way but more like Richard Thompson's dry wit. His music did not connect that much with me which was disappointing as he connected with me. I found the second half where he played more and talked less not as enjoyable. I'd give him a second change. I can see why people would love him. He fits my preconceived notions of what I like, a classically trained musician playing Americana and R&B. He just didn't excite me. I feel extra bad because I think he referred to me. He said how he loved people listening with their eyes closed and moving their head to the music. He demonstrated and it was exactly what I do and I was right in front of him. I could do that and keep focused on the music so there is something there.
I didn't explore the museum or take part in an installation they are doing. They are recording people chanting "Om." I was tempted to do it but this was a rare chance to get home early. It was three trains to the bus but it felt easy and I caught 9:53 bus so was home shortly after 10:00. Most often I make the last bus and get home a little after midnight.
I started binge watching a new show, Daredevil. This is Brianne's doing again. She told me that the three series, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and Luke Cage are lead into each other and that's the order to watch them. I watched Jessica so now I'm going back to watch Daredevil. It's another gritty comic book hero set in New York City. It's specifically in Hell's Kitchen.
I have to check the bus and train schedules to the hospital and plan my trip there. I don't have anything else on the agenda today. I better remember to take out some chicken for dinner.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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