I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 15, 2014 - 12:21 p.m.

Hop off the Bus Gus

Today I'm going to write at my normal time just an hour and half later than I want to write. Of course I don't know what I'm going to write about yet.

Therapy was different. I went in not knowing what my lead story would be. Flipped a coin and chose something. Followed it with my second story. And I thought that would fill the time. It didn't fill half of it. so I had to think of things to discuss. That's not how things usually go. Usually I start the second I walk in then keep going till she kicks me out and I keep talking as I leave. You might have noticed that I have a lot to say. And perhaps oddly on subway ride there I had a thought about therapy. I wondered if there were some people that go to their session and say absolutely nothing the entire session. I figured there would be. I asked her. She said, "what do you think?" And I told her I think there are. And she said I was right. I of course would never do that. My parents are dead but they'd still get mad at me for not getting my money's worth from the session.

After therapy I got bagels from the place that sells them half price on Mondays. That's how I keep my supply. then I went to Big Daddy's. This time I did not get the fancy and weird Bacon Milky Way. I kept it simple, a chocolate malt. Know what? I like that better. You really can't beat a well made chocolate malt and theirs is very well made. The service was excellent too. I need to go there more often in the summer at least.

So that was my therapy food. It is a miracle that I'm not fat. It's one area my body is good to me.

then I went home and discovered that my wifi was out. I needed to write Wise Madness! I can't not have internet access. I would explode. Then Heather texted me and asked how I was. I told her "I have no internet!!!" She invited me over to use hers so that's what I did. Yes I travel to give My Gentle Readers their RDA of my thoughts. How are more of you not going insane? I was going to make buffalo wings so I took all the fixings to Heather and go to cook for too. That was exciting. If you want me to come over and cook any of my specialties for you let me know. I'd love to.

It's sort o weird being at someone's house and sitting their writing. She invited me but it still felt rude. That's why it took me so long to finish. I kept busy being a good guest. I got to talk music promotion with friend of Heather's on a conference call. It started with just Heather and I butted in. I do know a bit about the folk music world. I'm still amazed at how accepted I am in the NERFA/Falcon Ridge community. You never lose your high school self image. I was a total outcast then.

I almost forgot my idiot story. I stayed late and took the bus home. It was dark and drizzling and every time I looked to see where I was it looked like I was under the El. That means I was less than halfway home. I was busy reading the Times on my phone and texting with Katrina. Then I heard the bus driver announce "Church Avenue!" Ack that's way past my house. I had to get off and wait for a bus going the other way. Walking would have taken even longer. It had cooled off and I was too cool too. Of course I'm always too cool for school.

I'm rereading The Silmarillion. I have no idea how many times I've read it. I'm sure over 10. I read Tolkien the way others read the bible. I can keep rereading it and find not just comfort but new perspectives on the book each time. I should be highlighting passages to quote. He's one that struck me a few days ago. It's about the meeting of Elw the King of the Teleri Elves with Melian of the Maia, divine beings that existed before Eru created the world.

Then an enchantment fell on him, and he stood still; and afar off beyond the voices of the lomelindi [Elvish for nightingales] he heard the voice of Melian and it filled all his heart with wonder and desire. He forgot then utterly all his people and all the purposes of his mind, and following the birds under the shadow of the trees he passed in into Nan Elmoth and was lost. But he came at last to a glade open to the stars, and there Melian stood; and out of the darkness he looked at her, and the light of Aman [home of the divine Valar and Maia] was in her face.

She spoke no word but being filled with love Elw came to her and took her hand, and straightway a spell was laid on him, so that they stood thus while long years were measured by the wheeling starts above them; and the trees of Nan Elmoth grew tall and dark before they spoke a word

Yes that's exactly how it is.

Especially in the Silmarillion but in LOTR too Tolkien uses imagery of light and darkness. Eru created the world with the secret fire. Aman the blessed was lit by the light of the two trees. Ungolient the demon in spider form spreads webs of darkness. The ultimate crime of Morgoth, the Dark Enemy, is the destruction of the two trees casting Aman into darkness. The silmarils the holy jewels are filled with the light o the two trees. Some of that light is in the phial of Galadriel that she gave to Frodo in Lothlrien.

Then there is Fanor. I have always identified with him even though he was driven to evil deeds by the lies of Morgoth. His name means "Spirit of Fire." He is filled with light but it's dangerous like a flame. But the inner fire drives him to great things. He is the one that created the silmarils. He didnt invent writing but he greatly improved it. It is his script that came into use. "He became of all the Nolder, then or after, the most subtle in mind and the most skilled in hand." He was the great scientist and engineer of the elves. So intense was the fire within him that when he died his body was consumed and turned to ash.

A dear friend said that I was intense, and I think she meant in the overly forceful way of Fanor. I have always thought of her as intense, with the light of Aman in her face. But Fanor has always been my guy. I explain away his sins by saying that he bore the special hatred of Morgoth the most powerful being in creation who bent all his powers to corrupting Fanor. I see Fanor as he is in Arda Unmarred, what it would have been like without Morgoth, and how it will be in the end when it is healed.





Annoying People - September 03, 2016
This Play Was The Pits - September 02, 2016
Banking on Getting Better or Avoiding Katastrophe. - September 01, 2016
Unlike Gilligan I Got Off the Island - August 31, 2016
Call of the Wilder - August 30, 2016




creative commons
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. Horvendile July 15, 2014
site search by freefind advanced


Follow on Feedly

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!