I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

January 31, 2014 - 10:45 a.m.

Security Blanket

Writing Wise Madness is one of the best things in my life. I am pretty sure it does me more good than therapy. It gives me another tool and a powerful one to process things. I have not had a good last few days. I have worried about friends who are having worse days. But yesterday's entry on The State of the Horvendile though downbeat got so much out of my system. I'm thinking about the one diamond in the tons of rubble, instead of the rubble. It shines so bright.

So what did I do yesterday. That's a really good question. I am pretty sure I didn't cease to exist. Oh right, I taught. As I had copied pages of the text book from the library I even taught what I was supposed to. I got to teach some of my favorite lessons. I taught about how Pythagoras invented the major chord. With all my complaints I love teaching. I love math. I love talking about things I love. Sure I wish the students appreciated it more but now and then one does. Some of them even appreciate my sense of humor. Teaching is my stand up act.

I got a text telling me I had mail in my PO Box. I checked after school and found a yellow notice. That means I have a package too big for the box. I wasn't expecting anything. That always gets me excited. Maybe it's a present! I think that every time. I never get presents. That doesn't make a difference. So what was it? A present!

Last week when I was sick I posted how cold I was and that I had to wear two hoodies as I didn't have a second blanket. The wonderful Barbara, someone I don't know well, someone I don't see often, read that and sent me a blanket! It's a wonderful plush microfiber blanket that is all warm and snuggly. I'm under it right now. It also entertains me as it is filled with static electricity and with the lights out I can make it sparkle!

My relationship with society is so strange. I can find people who will let me crash with them. Someone will read I need a blanket and just send me one. People bring me cookie with bacon. But I spent almost all my time alone and when I see people it's usually incidental to both of us doing something independently of each other.

When I got home I did laundry. I had let it build up. I had a lot. The laundry was a winter mix. All my brand new wool socks were in it. I loved the cold snap we had as I got to wear them, my silk long underwear, my brand new insulated wool boots and the wool mittens I bought myself for Festivus. I was pretty much never cold.

For dinner I made soup. Making soup is usually worth writing about. This time it was with a very green plantain. I didn't have enough nerve to get any veggie as my Crohn's has been acting up and I am afraid it would get stuck in me. I now add so much flavorful things to the soup I'm considering making it with a vegetable broth instead of chicken or beef even though I don't like veggie broth. If I can cover the flavor it would be healthier. I used jalapeo chicken sausages. I always experiment and this time I did the inevitable, I added peanut butter. Yes it worked. It was only a dollop in a cup of broth so I didn't actually taste it. It just added character. I used more garlic than ever before. I bought smaller bulbs so I used two. I think that's about one and a half times as much garlic as I usually use. I make two servings at a time. As sometimes happens when I make it with plantain it thickened up and became more of a stew than a soup. I didn't bother adding the oyster crackers. I had ciabatta rolls with it. I enjoyed my dinner. Good thing as that was my evening, laundry and dinner. I finished eating afte 11 PM. I didn't get to watch Ken Burns' The Civil War which I was looking forward to.

I never mentioned that Festivus ended last Saturday. I might cut back the holiday next year. Nobody else cares about the January portion and sharing the holiday with friends is the entire point. This was one of my worst Festivi ever. I never get my Official Red Ryder 200-shot bb gun with a compass in the stock and a thing to tell the time but this year I thought I was going to so this year I was disappointed. But you know it wasn't as bad as it sometime felt. Sure I spent some time alone when I didn't want to be alone but I went up to Massachusetts and visited Ethan and Robin and put up a Christmas tree. I went Caroling in Washington Square park with Terre, Maura, Katherine, Fred. I went to Jean's Christmas party and caroled again. I went to Warren and Tina's New Year's Eve party. I went to Coco and Bruce's New Year's Day Party. Like George Bailey life is not as dark as it sometimes appears.

Now I'll go eat bacon and eggs for breakfast. I think it's been a week since I had that. Then tonight I'm seeing Scott Wolfson and Other Heroes, Bobtown, and Marci Geller at Bowery Electric. I don't think I'll have time to squeeze a movie in after school. Maybe I'll be good and do schoolwork.





Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile January 31, 2014
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