I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
June 19, 2013 - 10:27 a.m.
I don't have music to write about. What am I going to do? I have two days to catch up on. I should be able to do that. I should be able to do lots of things that require a working brain.
Let me see. I know I went to therapy. I actually remember that well. I had a lot to talk about. That's the one good thing about days when I'm an emotional wreck. It gives me something to talk about in therapy.
Oh now I remember what I did. Monday is mental health day so do something in addition to therapy to make myself happy. First I went back to Cozy Burger for dinner. That's the dinner in the Village whose name I couldn't remember last time I had a milkshake there. I had a burger, fries, and a malt, not a shake! Then instead of going to Trader Joe's in nearby Union Square I went all the way back home in Spanish Harlem to get my shopping bags and walked across the Park to the one on 72nd Street and Broadway. that's about two miles if I could walk it in a straight line. It was probably more like three the route I took. I pretty much always love walking through Central Park. I exited the park at the Museum of Natural History, 81st Street. I just checked on Google Maps and it said my route was 2.7 miles. My estimate wasn't bad. I didn't buy any chocolate! But I did get peanut butter and sunflower seed butter.
Now let's move on to yesterday. There was an adventure. I had my usual problems getting my day started and got out of the shower around 12:45 or so. When I did somebody knocked on my door. Nobody even knows my address. Who could it be? It was some from some corporation with initials like IDC. How could he expect people to know what that is. Whatever the actual name they contract with Con Ed to check apartments for energy efficiency. I tried to let him in but couldn't. I was locked in! I could not open the door. It was about 7,000˚ in here so I figured that the door swelled. It seemed to be sticking at the bottom. I couldn't open it. I told you that my door knob is broken. There is no knob outside and inside pulls out if you don't do it just right. It means I couldn't get any leverage. I tried turning the knob and having him push and it didn't work. He suggested passing him the key under the door and trying that but I didn't think it could work as the problem was that it was swelled. Part of it was that I didn't know him. I had no idea who he was. I called the guy I am subletting from. He called a neighbor who came down to help. She told me this happened before and it was the key. I passed it to her through the window. Because she was known to the guy I rent from I trusted her. It was more than that. It was her tone of voice. I'd have trusted her anyway. Her name is Andrea pronounced on-dray-uh. She opened the door, it was the knob not swelling. he then proceeded to fix it. There was a screw loose on the knob. My screwdriver was too bit so she got one of hers. I felt stupid because I fell in love with my theory of the door swelling and missed that it was the knob. I could have opened the door right away if I had considered that. I did when she was fixing the knob. I just inserted the screwdriver into the slot for the doorknob. I've done that plenty of times since I was a kid. Andrea came back with the repaired knob and it works fine though of course it is still just half a knob as there is nothing outside. I was told the landlord would fix it last night but he didn't. It might have been because I wasn't home.
I went to Coco's house in Brooklyn to help her with the Indiegogo campaign for First Acoustics. I love doing that sort of thing. I got a bonus. Her daughter was having a sleepover party. Lots of her friends who eat like I do. Vanessa is a vegetarian but her friends are "meatatarians." There were ribs! I had a great home cooked dinner and somehow avoided the rain. I had no rain gear but it all came when I was inside. I just walked through a drizzle.
I have discussed two of the three big problems with this apartment, it's as hot as a furnace with only one small window, and the doorknob. The last is the spotty internet. I tried unsuccessfully to watch Dollhouse last night. I have no radio or TV, the internet is my entertainment. The light isn't very good for reading. That's probably the hardest part for me to deal with.
Tonight I'm off to see Suzanne Vega in Madison Square Park. I borrowed a table cloth from Coco to sit on.
Oh, one more problem with the apartment. There is no screen on the window. I am getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
It's really a miracle that being depressed is the exception not the rule. I am a cheerful hobbit.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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