I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
May 08, 2017 - 10:20 a.m.
I'm officially over my Crohn's attack! I've had Crohn's for 47 year so I've learned what's going on with my body. I still have to keep learning as things change as I get older and more damage is done to my small intestine. It used to be that getting better was a switch flipping positions. The obstruction opened and I felt better immediately. That's not true anymore. I have pain for hours afterward and sometimes it's not really cleared up. Yesterday I could hear and feel my intestines gurgling; that's what I wait for, it means things are flowing again. I started to get hungry but I was still in pain. I risked eating something. I was lucky, the neighbor that often brings food over brought omelets. They were small, but that's for the best. I had to test things out. All it had on it was a bit of cheese. It went down and I didn't feel sicker but I was still worn out from walking downstairs. Four hours later I was hungry again and this time put peanut butter on the omelet, my official post-Crohn's meal; it's nutritionally dense, just what I need after fasting. It was delicious and once again I didn't feel sick. Nothing tastes better than food that breaks a fast. I ate one more time. Before I went to sleep I had chocolate pop tarts. I still didn't feel great but I was sure I was out of the woods. This morning I woke up feeling fine. I'm still going to take it easy. I might take a little walk in the neighborhood but that's it.
As I was not as sick yesterday I was able to stay awake for the most part. I did what I do when I'm sick; I watched lots of TV on my computer. I finished Iron Fist, watched an episode of MST 3K, and the most recent James Bond film, Spectre. I had a few quibbles, Spectre is an acronym and should be spelled SPECTRE and I didn't like that there was a prior relationship between Bond and Blofeld but those are minor. The film was great. Daniel Craig was the best bond since Sean Connery.
I also spent a lot of time on Facebook. There is a downside to it, I see all the things that my friends say that make me cringe. What I have done to combat that is count what fraction of the posts are cringeworthy, it's not large, they just have an outsized impact. There are also posts that make me happy. I feel happy when I see any posts by some people. It's not my best friends. I'm not particularly close to some of them. It's just something about the way they express themselves.
I have an addictive personality. I know that; it's why I eat half a box of raisins and make myself sick. Every time someone likes or even better comments on what I write on Facebook and Instagram I get a hit of endorphins. Intellectually I'm aware that it's meaningless but my amygdala can't get enough of it. When I'm getting endorphin from other sources I don't need it. I get no reception at Falcon Ridge and don't miss being off the grid at all. When I get to civilization the first thing I do is not check my phone. I head straight for flush toilets and sinks with water pressure.
I've gotten comfortable writing shorter entries; I'm not going to pad this. After today I have a busy week and will have plenty to write about. Now I'm going to enjoy my breakfast. I still haven't decided for sure what I'm eating. Whatever it is will taste like heaven.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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