I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
October 07, 2013 - 12:34 p.m.
I'll start writing but I think I won't have time to finish. I have to stop at the post office. I ordered a book from Amazon and they tried to deliver it to my PO Box on Saturday and couldn't. I have to find out what's going on. I tried online but the USPS website form didn't work.
This is not going to be easy for me to write because not in great physical shape today. I did not get enough sleep by a long shot. Then somehow I woke up with a sore knee that hurts like hell when I move wrong. And for some reason I feel dehydrated. I am NOT at my best.
My students did ridiculously well on their test. The median in one class was 83 and in the other 88. This despite the fact that I get the feeling they don't understand things. I trust my judgment more than the tests. Giving them a practice test raises their grades tremendously without raising their understanding. They can just answer the specific questions.
I didn't do anything yesterday. I never left the house, so I finally have a chance to write about ideas. Will I have anything to write about? What I really want to write about is the subject I know the best, me.
I often say that Carey said that I'm cute in a Spiny Anteater sort of way. I have to admit that though she said that she did not originate it. I did. She was talking about how some old guy, I think Michael Palin, was cute. I said, "What about me?" And she said, "You're cute in a Gordon sort of way." My reaction was "You might as well say that I'm cute in a spiny anteater sort of way." That was so fitting it became canonical. It really is fitting. Here's an echidna aka spiny anteater.
He's cute, right? Like all monotremes he looks like if intelligent design were true the designer was drunk at the time. He's not quite put together like something that should exist but with a certain charm. That's me.
I have pretty much no way to judge my own attractiveness. My judgment of women is visceral. My genes tell my hormones to tell me, "She doesn't have intestinal parasites! We want to combine with her genes." What you think your genes don�t talk to you? You're just not listening.
They never tell me that with men so I do a gestalt based on what I hear from people whose gene's do talk to them and who talk to me. The reality is that pretty much means I know who Carey and Lisa think are attractive, old or young Jewish boys and Neanderthals respectively, but I'm pretty clueless to the rest. Most women don't give me a running account of who they think is hot. And I know that neither of them think I'm cute, except in a spiny anteater sort of way. I'd like to think that other women do but liking to think something does not make it true. It is in fact the strongest reason to be skeptical.
I pity someone trying to figure out who I find attractive. I can't find a rhyme or reason to it. Yes I have a weakness for Irish girls. I never say girls for adult women except in this context. Notice I said that Carey likes Jewish boys, not men. I have rules. And even the liking Irish girls is more of an after the fact observation which has no empirical basis. I never checked if I like a higher percentage of them than other women. It might just be my following the cultural stereotype.
When I was an adolescent I had my idea of what kind of women I liked. I like them curvy and scorned model types. Jean Shepard said that film and TV portrays statuesque women as the ideal but men really like short curvy women and that entered my head as "right." As I got older I reluctantly realized that I actually like many tall lithe women and petite lithe women but it took me a long time to admit it to myself. So now I don't have a type at all.
Carey gets the rundown of who I like, I wonder if she can figure it out. We tested each other yesterday by asking who we thought the other liked in their class pics, mine was from kindergarten and hers from first grade. I felt bad it took me three guesses to get hers. Of course once I spotted him I knew it was right.
So why did we test each other? Because it feels good to know that somebody devoted mental energy to making a study of ourselves. We want others to know us. Isn't that why I blog? But it's more. We want someone to think we are important enough to get to know that well. I am still proud that Lisa and I went to an ice cream truck with 20+ flavors and I knew which one she's choose. It isn't as easy as with me where you look for some combination of chocolate and peanut butter.
Wow on a day I was free to write about anything I wrote about being cute and who I think is cute. At least I kept it to under a thousand words. And of course that's not really what it's about. So know what I wonder? Who knows that I think they are cute? It's always an awkward subject to discuss. It sounds like you're flirting when you say it. And of course sometimes that's just what it is.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile October 07, 2013
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