I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
October 29, 2014 - 11:38 a.m.
First off health. I'm pretty much all better now. Yesterday was in transition but I felt good enough to go out. First I went to therapy. I had to cancel on Monday but fortunately she had an opening yesterday. It was earlier, 1:30. That should not be a problem to get to on time but it is. Early I can do because I know I can't go through my morning routine. At 1:30 I can but the timing can be tight if I can't pull myself away from online. I can't keep off it as I have to blog. Yes My Gentle Readers are my first priority, above even eating breakfast. I did eat breakfast though, scrapple and eggs. Anyone else outside of its home region eat scrapple? I didn't think so.
I made it to therapy with 3 minutes to spare. The problem is that I can time that trip so well that I'm tempted to tempt fate. If I made a bad connection I'd be late. I like to leave time for delays.
My illness affected my session. I forgot most of the things I wanted to discuss. I do homework for therapy. I plan what I need to talk about. I slowly pieced together my week, the good, the bad, and the ugly. There tends to be a lot of beautiful too but that ruins the film reference.
Then I headed up to my PO box. I felt good enough to get an ice cream cone from Mr. Softy. I didn't push things though and instead of going shopping I headed home to rest. I was still weak.
But I wasn't too weak to keep me home. I went to Caf� Vivaldi to see Villa Palagonia. That's Allison Scola and Joe Ravo's Sicilian influenced band. Some of the songs take place in other places, like New York, but they all carry whispers of Sicily. And Allison looks like she came from Central Casting to play a Sicilian,.
Their shows have three things going for them, They are not what I usually hear, There's not just music but dancing,, and of course great music. OK there's a fourth thing, I love Allison and Joe. They radiate warmth.
I also got there just in time and took my seat down front. A little odd, I asked the person across from me if the seat were taken and he said nothing just shrugged. What does that mean? I figured he'd say don't sit there if the seat were taken and sat down. Allison and Joe were not in the room so for a second I wondered if I had the time right but then someone in the band recognized me. I did not recognize him. That's the story of my life. It isn't easy not having a brain.
Let's go to the pictures. What does Allison play?
Tamburello
Guitar
zils
Shaker
Clarinet
Candy Disk
Ok that Candy Disk might be a tamburello too. I love it, it makes a boing that differs based on where you hit it. The drums are not an affectation, Allison knows how to play them. She expresses herself through rhythm. That probably has something to do with being a dancer. That makes sense to me at least.
When the show was over I saw that two other Chicks with Dip were sitting in the back, Karyn and Katherine so I went to talk to them. I wish I had known from the start I would have sat with them. I'd like to see some of my friends that aren't chicks at Villa Palagonia shows. You'll love them.
So here's my fantasy. When LORi and I become trillionaires, this is supposed to happen before tomorrow, I'm going to open up a nightclub, Villa Palagonia and they will be the house band. It will be like Ricky Ricardo at the Tropicana. Every week I'll scheme with Ethyl to get in the show. I can just see the club with it's Sicilian motif and fine Italian food and a mix of Italian and American music. And Ethyl and I will scheme to meet Cesar Romero.
I did hang out after the show but not as long as I'd have liked to. I knew I should get home and get back to bed and rest up.
I hadn't planned on eating dinner but my digestive system improved so much I was starving when I got back to Crown Heights. When I heard a kid ask her father if they could eat at Popeye's I couldn't resist going there. For once that wasn't a failure but something I looked forward to.
I spend of lot of effort trying to get my rational brain to outsmart my limbic system, the home of fears. I come up with these things more than my therapist does. There was an article in the Times recently, The Problem With Positive Thinking. Go read it, I will wait. Dum dee dum. Good you're back. So the problem is not that positive thinking is bad but that's it's best to do a mixture of positive and negative thinking. I realized that I was thinking too many negative things of late about one thing. So I tried visualizing positive outcomes though I know they are unlikely. Not sure if it will help me get what I want but it made me feel better and freeze up less about other things.
I have ot unfreeze myself today and read mail I don't want to read. I'm going to try and remember how I got up the nerve to play a kazoo solo in front of an audience of musicians. I can do this. I have my happy thoughts even if they won't come true. Wish me luck.
OK before I do that I'll make breakfast. The fact that I can eat it is a triumph in itself. Today's menu is matzoh brei.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile October 29, 2014
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