I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

February 25, 2014 - 1:10 p.m.


Wow usually writing reduces anxiety. I've been fine today but as soon as I opened Word to write this I got a pang. I don't write about my anxiety to get people to say "poor sweet baby." I do I because it is remarkably common but nobody talks about it so people often think they are alone. You aren't. there are plenty of us out there. I just happen to be a bit more extreme and open about it than most. I'm also cuter.

I once again forgot to bring my lunch today. Who is going to bring me a peanut butter sandwich? Anybody? Smooth please, I can't eat chunky. Preferable all natural; that's not a health thing, it tastes better. Peanut butter, even writing about peanut butter does wonders for anxiety. I should publish the peanut butter and chocolate treatment of anxiety in JAMA.

So what did I do yesterday? I remember! First I went to therapy. It was a good session. After discussing current angst I recounted the happiest period of my life. That coincides pretty much with when I started blogging.

Then I went to Gunz for the amazing Kakao-Waffelrllchen.

That is the most important part of the therapy. It was a comfortable therapy which is not always a good thing so afterward I did something that I often do during therapy, I visualized something I dreaded happening. Anxiety often involves doing that unconsciously. Doing it deliberately helps toughen me up to face the reality.

Then I went to school to get some work done. I did not do the most important thing because I forgot all about it. I had to come in early and do that today. But I got some things done. I had to leave earlier than I wanted to because I ceased having the office to myself and the people here insisted on talking to me. As much as I talk about being lonely and not having conversations it has to be with the right people. Often like Greta Garbo I want to be alone.

So I left to get therapy dinner. I think of possibilities and see which feels best for my emotional state. Last night it was Nathan's. I don't count Nathan's as fast food. It might be from a nutritional standpoint and I know it isn't physically healthy but it tastes great and is emotional comfort food. There aren't many foods that taste better than Nathan's hot dogs and fries.

Then I went out to something as comforting as possible; Sharon Goldman and Honor Finnegan at The Way Station the Doctor Who theme bar. Wait it gets better. Aviv Roth backed them on guitar and Shannon, Coco, Bev, and Katherine were in the audience. Some of my favorite musicians and people were on stage and off. I got there early. In fact I thought I got there before Sharon but she was in a dark corner by the TARDIS. Yes I said near the TARDIS. They have a TARDIS. I told you it was a Doctor Who theme bar. You should not be surprised.

Is it just me or does Sharon look like she has evil intentions towards Honor?

I don't know if I have told them but I always associate Sharon and Honor and not because they are both chicks with dip. It's because after the first time I met each of them I messaged Carey and told her each should be her best friend. Yet they aren't particularly like each other. They should be friends with Carey for different reasons.

I should be totally out of things to write about them. I've written so much already. But I actually came up with something new for Sharon. I hope she takes it as a compliment. I always say that Mark Allen Berube writes the songs that I would write if I wrote songs. Which is clearly not true as I write songs and they aren't the same ones he writes. But it should be true. If anyone is going to write a funny song about the Higgs Boson it should be me. Sharon does not write the songs I would write, as myself. But there is some sort of conformal mapping, transposition of key for my music friends, of me that would write those songs. In some parallel universe I totally wrote Short Brown Hair and Valentines' Day. I think even in a parallel universe I'm not singing them as well as Sharon. I know there are people out there saying that "Comparing Sharon to yourself is an insult." As long as Sharon isn't one of them.

Honor is another girl who is pretty and plays the uke but is not just another pretty girl that plays the uke. That's true but yes I like saying it. Honor's funny songs are a lot closer to what I actually write but never think of her as writing the songs that I write. That's not a compliment or an insult but a statement of fact. I love Honor and her music and try to see her every time she performs. That's a compliment. And she makes a great mini-Hagrid. No I'm not explaining that.

After the show Katherine and I walked Bev most of the way home and we hopped on the subway at Grand Army Plaza. Alas we went in opposite directions. But I was happy I just missed my train as it gave a time to talk. Katherine is not my office mate. I like talking to her.

I'd go out and get lunch now but I'm supposed to have a student coming in for help. I'll give her a few more minutes. I don't want to miss lunch. I'm buying three meals today, I dont' like that but I'm eating with a friend tonight so that makes it worthwhile. You can read about that tomorrow.

Here are a couple of videos I took.

I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.

Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018

creative commons
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile February 25, 2014
site search by freefind advanced

Follow on Feedly

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!