I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 22, 2016 - 10:34 a.m.
I'm still fighting through the hydroxyzine haze when I write this but it does seem to be improving. I actually managed to leave City Island yesterday and stay awake for hours. But I'm in the haze now and will shamelessly use that as an excuse for any imperfections in this. Without the meds this would win the Pulitzer Prize for blogging.
I left City Island for one of my annual traditions, Katherine and Deb's combined birthday party picnic. It was in Brooklyn Bridge Park. That used to be super convenient for me. Now it takes an hour and three quarters to get there. That meant I didn't get there early. The long trip proved useful. When I left the house I was sleepy from the meds. I slept on the and woke up in time for 125th Street to transfer to the . I'm very good at that, I'm an automatic commuter. I had to stand for the first stop on the but I got a seat at 86th Street and once again fell asleep immediately. That proved interesting. I was half awake for a bit approaching Brooklyn Bridge and considered getting off there and walking across the bridge. I didn't I fell back asleep. I then woke up at Wall Street and thought I missed my stop as I fell back to living in Brooklyn mode and thought I was traveling uptown. At Bowling Green, I snapped out of it and tried to stay awake to Borough Hall in Brooklyn, my stop. I'm not sure if I stayed awake but I was awake for the stop. All I wanted when I got out on the street was an iced coffee to wake up me. It's a little less than a mile walk to the park but I didn't find any coffee. What I found instead was wakefulness. My body no longer gets sleepy all day. After six hours or so it wears off. Hey it's an improvement. That's three hours less than it took the day before.
My next goal was finding the party in the park. It was close to wear it was last year but there were no balloons and my best landmark for my bad eyesight, Katherine's hair was not in evidence; she had it up. But I still found out and joined the throng. I lay my drop cloth and blanket on the ground and never used them. I did use my stadium chair and sat on someone else's blanket for a bit talking to Katherine. A little while later Elisa and Jon arrived and we found ourselves by the food. I told them that I couldn't see any unhealthy food for me to eat. That's my eyes. Elisa spotted salami and cheese. That was perfect. Later I realized that the loaf was pain au chocolat. Yes, that's chocolate bread. I bet other people would have liked it. I know I did. Hey if you want the chocolate to be shared you shouldn't invite me. No, I didn't really eat it all; I just wanted to.
Jon, Elisa, and I found ourselves the only ones standing by the food. I am evil so pointed out, "You can tell we're the Jews; we're the ones standing by the food." Hey our people were exiled a lot. We eat when we can. When Karen arrived and joined us the pattern continued. Hey I'm evil, I eat all the chocolate and make jokes about the Jews.
Some of the people I knew from other parties or had seen at Jalopy. The only other one who I knew, knew my name, was Karen. No not that Karen, the other Karen, Bobtown Karen. I knew her first so I guess that makes the first Karen I mentioned, "Karen not Karen.' Remember if none of this makes sense to you it's the meds.
There's always lots of music making at these parties. I had the important job of holding the lyrics where the singers could see them on These Boots Are Made for Walking. Yes, we did real folk music.
The forecast was for rain in the morning and beautiful weather for the party. That's not what happened. When I got off the subway in Brooklyn the skies were gray. They got grayer. Things got ominous after 5. I promised Elisa it would not rain. Sometime after 5 PM it started to drizzle. I was afraid that Elisa would never speak to me again. She said she still loves me. We'll see. She might have just said that to get rid of me and out of the rain.
It was still just drizzle that came and went and I stayed. I was pleasantly surprised I was still awake. My phone said there was a 90% chance of rain at 6. Guess what happened at 6. We cleared the party away. It was the first time I hadn't stayed till dark. I was smart. I had my WFUV hoodie in my bag and put it on. I didn't get that wet.
I had to stop at Trader Joe's and was considering which one to go to. The Brooklyn one is in walking distance but it was raining. I got to High Street and realized I could get the or C there and take it to Hoyt Schermerhorn. Why is that important? The Mile End Deli, the best poutine in New York is just a few blocks away. So that's where I headed. Imagine if I had gone to Brooklyn and not had poutine. What a waste. From there I walked to Trader Joe's. by the time I left TJ's the rain had let up and I didn't need my poncho and I headed home. I napped on the train but I always nap on the train. It wasn't the deep sleep.
I got home and still didn't collapse. I was awake till 12:30. I might be able to stay on the Hydroxyzine without adjusting when I take it. I'm not nearly as sleepy now as I was yesterday two hours after taking it. It's the first time I was able to write more than a thousand words since I started on the med.
The weather wasn't good and I spent more time traveling than at the party but I'm still glad I went. I got to spend time with people I love doing nothing but spending time with them. I got to keep up a tradition. I got chocolate bread and poutine. There was music. That's pretty much all it takes to keep me happy.
What am I doing for breakfast today? Oh right, poached eggs. I have to buy more American Cheese Flavored Food today. Yeah it's not real cheese but it melts very nicely on things. It's Monday so it's going to the village to buy bagels day too. Wow it looks beautiful outside. I hope it stays that way but doesn't get too hot.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
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