I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

September 04, 2015 - 11:38 a.m.

Fool on the Jill

I'm starting to write before 10! I used pat myself on the back for starting before 9. I'm lowering my standards. This actually bothers me. I should never be looking for things to do in the morning before I write. It's not a big deal but it is symptomatic of my issues. Hey I've gone almost a month without therapy, I need to get this stuff out someplace.

My curse on Word has shrunk to half-sized. Once the curse got so small I couldn't see it. I forgot how to change it? Can anyone help? Anyone know why it changed on its own? Never mind, I found it. It takes a lot of steps. It's now actually too big but I'll live with it. Interestingly it says "change cursor width" when it actually changes the length too. Why doesn't it just say "size? Even better I just made the pointer larger. I always have trouble finding it. I just did it and I still don't know how to do what I just did. They make this so hard to get to. Ok. I now have things the way I like it.

I did stuff yesterday so I should have something to write about. I even remember what I did! Give me a cookie. Carey says knowledge is its own reward but I think food if there's no food it's not a reward. They train dolphins to do all those tricks by throwing them fish, you can throw me cookies. Then when they come to destroy the earth to put up an interstellar bypass I'll leave a not, "So long and thanks for all the cookies."

You might find this all annoying but this is exactly what I like about myself.

This is the summer of Jill Sobule. Well at least the week of Jill Sobule. I went to see her again last night. This was in a new venue for me, the second off the week so this is also the week of new venues, Sid Gold's Request Room. It's primarily a piano karaoke bar owned and run by Joe McGinty. He's usually the one on the piano. I know him from The Loser's Lounge and a plethora of other shows.

I had no idea what to expect. I thought I was late to see Jill on Tuesday and got a seat right next to her. Last night I showed up 20 minutes early and there were only a few seats open and they were at tables with people in them. Then I heard someone call my name, it was Mark Aaron James. He's part of the friends of Christine Lavin club. There was open chair right at his table and I took it. I can't remember the name of the woman he was with, I have met her before. She told about going to Falcon Ridge back around 2000. She met a young woman singing harmonies for someone she knows. She had trouble getting the name out, "she's in a band now, her name is um Abbie … Gardner." I love when that happens. It's such a small world. I actually guessed it would be someone I know. And to make it even smaller Abbie and Mark both live in Jersey City. I wanted to be all cool and say JC but then most people would not know what I meant. But Abbie would think, "He's trying to be cool but I know what he really thinks of Jersey."

Jill came by and was surprised to see me again. She's going to get a restraining order out on me. She said she didn't know how to start the show. I said, "I know what I want you to play? I came up with it yesterday." Then of course the fact that I'm an idiot came crashing down on me and for the life of me I couldn't remember. Halfway through the show I remembered but it was not something I could shout out a request; it's FM Radio her co-write with Dar. I've heard Dar do it. I'm not sure that Jill even sings it. That's funny because I think it sounds more like a Jill song. The person I was sitting with when I heard Dar do it live agreed. It's a great song and I would love to hear her do it. Then to add to the embarrassment during the set she asked for requests and I went with my standby, The Rapture. She had already played Underdog Victorious. Both are sing-alongs about troubled gay teenage boys. So I shouted out, "Underdog Victorious!" I was that guy, the one that requests the song already played. I hate that guy. It is really hard not having a brain. And that's why this has become disorganized and out of chronological order. I was very happy that everybody sang along to Underdog Victorious. I have been to a few shows at Joe's Pub where I felt I was the only one singing. Of course this was a karaoke crowd and this was a no barriers between performer and audience show. That's how Jill treated it so that's how the audience did. She did lots of requests. She had someone from the audience come up and join her on a song. She had someone else come up from the audience and play piano on a set. It was one of the best shows I've seen her do. The only disappointment was she didn't do anything from Yentl but I had just heard do some with the proper band, Isle of Klezbos, on Tuesday.

At one point I felt someone tap my shoulder, I turned around and it was Kevin. I'm never surprised to see him at shows. I probably run into him at shows more than anyone, no that's Eliot. But it's close. But I had never seen him at a Jill show before. It's not like he just discovered her. It's just one of those things. Jill is a bit too expensive for me to see every time she plays and somehow don't do merch for her. Yes it's more surprising when I don't do merch than when I do. I am totally like the junkie that sells drugs to feed his habit. I sell CDs to feed mine. After her set, I went over to sit with Kevin and we caught up. It's been weeks since we've seen each other. One thing we always do when we meet is take out our calendars and compare.

I was out of eggs and was going to go to Trader Joe's in the afternoon to pick some up but then I realized, that's stupid. I didn't need anything else so why should I take over an hour to pick up eggs there when I get can them anywhere. Yes I save 50¢ but that's not worth an hour of my time. Then I realized I was only 6 minutes from the Chelsea Trader Joe's. It closes at 10. Keven and I left at 9:50. I made it! Sometimes things just work out better than you planned. I knew I'd see Jill but didn't know I'd get to hang out with Mark and Kevin and shop at Trader Joes. I did buy more once I was there but not much, peanut butter and bananas. Does anyone else do what I do when buying bananas? I'm only buying for one person, I eat a banana a day. Bananas are only at prime ripeness for two days at the most. So I break off bananas from different hands so I have some greener than others.

Tonight I'm seeing Jill again at the Notes from Home house concerts in Montclair. Know who goes to school in Montclair? Brianne. We are going to try and get together before the show.

I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.

Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018

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Horvendile September 04, 2015
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