I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

June 07, 2014 - 1:23 p.m.

The Quotable Horvendile

No what I did since I last updated? No much. It's always hard to write under those circumstances. What's ridiculous is that it shouldn't be. I always have tons of things I want to write about but can't because I'm too busy writing about what I do.

First a word from our sponsors. My boys, The Lords of Liechtenstein have a new album coming out. You can listen to a preview of it. You don't even have to go anywhere. I'll embed it right here.

Girlz is the story of my life. Poor Noah, He was 18 when he wrote that. He looks at me and knows it can be the same at a zillion. Yes I am a zillion, No Carey I am not a gazillion. You always make me out to be older than I am.

Facebook is suggesting that I join the group, "Idiot Free Zone" because LORi is a member. Don't they realize that as soon as I join the zone is no longer free of idiots?

I unleashed a wave of Frhead nostalgia by pointing out that the fourth was the fourteenth anniversary of the the culmination of the Big Ass Fruparty Weekend aka the FruBque aka Moxy Frvous playing in LORi and Steve's backyard. LORi and I hunted up pictures for the party. I am in NONE of them. LORi clearly hates me. Carey found one of us but we are in front of the house as they clearly didn't let me into the party and all my memories of it have been inplanted.

But that's not my point. My point is the calculator. That's part of the Frvous nostalgia. If you can remember that you weren't there.

But my point is that all the nostalgia got Carey to post a link to her Quotes Page. And that gives me a chance to write a cheater edition of Wise Madness. I got lost in the quotes and realized that I liked the guy that said the things I said. So here's a selection of things I said that Carey thought were quotable. These are all from between 2000 and 2003. This is from Carey's point of view so "me" means Carey. If the quote is about me I give the speaker on the next line.

  • We're not interested in talking to you. We just want to look at your ice cream.
    me/Gordon Nash
  • So say there's an alternate universe where Neal is a hedgehog.
  • We're listening to Christmas carols. In June. While dressed as vampires.
  • When I come outta here, I want everyone to be lined up and singing my praises
  • I can't believe you said "Blahdy McBlahderson" without me!
  • Wow, Pete's so coooooool....And the girl's hot, too. (That's about the Kennedys)
  • Gregory is so great that even as a turtle he is the greatest woman ever.
  • We have to marry him. (That's about Stephen Kellogg)
  • Hardly anyone ate kale, but everyone who did, started a band.
  • You never want to do anything involving slime with me. (that's still true)
  • That's Gordon the Jeopardy man. He looks nice on the outside, but on the inside, he's a BASTARD.
    Christine Lavin
  • I woke up and saw a giant blob next to me. And first I thought it was you, Shelly. But then I figured it was a giant slug.
  • Your ass could kick her ass's boobies if her ass had boobies.
  • I love all things goovie. (goovie is Carey's nickname)
  • Immodium doesn't make me love you. It just lets me love you from rooms other than the bathroom
  • You know no one had diaries till you got your Marvin Martian Tshirt.
  • Everyone who goes to more shows than we do is a fanatic, and everyone who goes to less shows is a bad fan.
  • Cover my bones, and sing me a Newfie prayer!
  • He should make love to you with antlers on!
  • Ta-mee, ta-moo, da-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!...I didn't say that
  • I have one ablsolute rule I follow in life. Always listen to what women with fake british accents who sell soup at Renn Fests tell you to do. (she had just told Carey to marry me)
  • The ocarina is the Schizopolis of musical instruments.
  • He is busy watching every sparrow and every snowflake. Give him a break.
  • So, what's your favorite part of Carey's anatomy?
  • I am eating alien corn, I do not like alien corn, but he likes alien corn, and I love him.
  • The best part of waking up is not Gordon in your cup.
    Gella Solomon
  • Any time Gordon can be my beast of burden is fine with me.
    Neal Shankman
  • You know, it's good for your pets to have other pet friends.
  • It s one thing to be predictable, quite another thing to be barbecue sauce.
  • Come, my merry men! Let us frolic thru the virgin snow!
    Gordondon, Son of Ethelred
  • You're just like you but a nympho.
  • I want credit for you being a wanton slut.
  • So let's get this straight. You only hang out with weird-looking Jewish guys with a Stuart connection. You are really lucky to have any friends, let alone 3.
  • Well, you are only a girl, you know. Not a real he-man with a club.
  • Once you've had clown, you can never go back.
  • I think I should become barbecue sauce.
  • I wonder if his nose lights up. GOD, that'd be exciting.
  • I'd think he was attractive if I were man.
  • I am not Louisa May Alcott. (Like you've never had occasion to saythat)
  • Excuse me. If I were making love to a Pez dispenser, it would be Wonder Woman, not Marge. Marge is married.
  • Cookies are what count.
  • Life is a bowl of Jians.
  • I used to be friends with the rats. Then they ran away.
  • Freaks like us, baby we were born to eat mush with a spoon.
  • My best friend's better than your best friend. (said to Carey my best friend)
  • Are they wearing yarmulkes and singing Nields songs?
  • I am too much man for only one dog.
  • Nothing says guilt like an ostomy bag. (I had an ostomy bag. No idea what I was guilty of)
    Christine Lavin
  • I lost all my friends because I don't eat rice.
  • And the band played on
    As the digit counters whirred
    Singing this song, getting all the words wrong
    I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!
    Gordon Nash/me
  • Murray is not a muffin. (like you never had the need to say that either)
  • So maybe that's why he didn't swoon over you. You need more bobka.
  • Tell Shelly she's the evil queen from Snow White. OK, bye.
  • Where Gordon is concerned, you should always be scared.
    Lawrence Solomon
  • I think I'd put "Accordion Player in Batnose" in between "King of the World" and "Creator of the Universe."
  • It's gonna take a lot of nerve -- and borrowing puppets.
  • What says Christmas like S&M?
  • All my sexual fantasies revolve around food -- because food likes me. (some things never change)
  • Said James to Red Molly, here's a ring for your labia...
  • And what is Gordon's experience with bandit priests?
    Mama Faerie again
  • Cute redheads can get away with anything, can't they? (well duh)
  • There's nothing more serious than moose guys
  • Carey is the single greatest force for good in the history of the planet. (that was on a letter of recommendation)
  • You know you are with cool people when they spontaneously make "Dangermouse" references.
  • All I had to do was become gay and fulfill her sexual fantasies with Frlads.
  • Sorry, I was in Chicago. (not funny but I just made Carey go awwww)
  • It involves many muskrats.
  • See how nice I am? Just because you love him, I'm not going to kill him for fun.
  • We're like the Algonquin Round Table, but easier to spell.
  • So, you'd rather not have sex with George than have sex with me? (See Noah? It's the story of my life)

Which is sadder that I said those things or that Carey saved them for posterity? Or is it the fact that we cans still quote many of them from memory and still do?

So that cheater entry took me forever to write. I hope it was worth it. I hope Carey doesn't sue me for stealing quotes from her blog that she stole from me.

I hope I haven't scared everyone away.

I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.

Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
Wise Madness is Now In Session - May 28, 2018
The NFL and the First Amendment - May 27, 2018
On The Road Again - May 26, 2018
Oliver the Three-Eyed Crow - May 25, 2018

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Horvendile June 07, 2014
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