I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
October 09, 2015 - 9:48 p.m.
Today I did a 12-hour-shift at WFUV. I got up at 4:13, yes I time things to the minute, I have to leave here at 4:33 to make the 4:40 
train to make the 5:38 MetroNorth train that gets me to Fordham at 5:58. It takes me seven minutes to get to Keating Hall where the studio is so I get there five minutes late. To get there earlier I'd have to get up a half an hour earlier. That's not really worth it.
The problem was that I didn't get to bed till about 11:30 then I was up at 12:30, 1:30, and 2:30 before finally getting to sleep for the night. I made it through the day with the aid of a lot of coffee.
Even on a day I didn't supervise I spent most of my time supervising. That's just the way things work out. I can answer people's question and even with Jim in the room they often come to me. Originally there was no position of volunteer supervisor and I just started doing it because I would hear someone with a problem and I'd go over to help because I know the ins and outs of the system. I find it hard to sit there and not help when people need it.
I've complained a lot recently about the changes at WFUV and I meant all the things I say. The station no longer plays much music that I like outside of Sundays when they have the Irish shows, Bob Sherman, and John Platt. But I still love the people that work there, I have so many friends among the volunteers, and being the WFUV guy is part of my identity. Who did I get to see today? Jim, Lori not LORi, Rona, Bob, Steve, Tom, Bill, Shelley, and the ever present people I'm forgetting. I'm sleep deprived that's a better excuse than I usually have for forgetting people. I have a brand new WFUV tradition, yes you can have a brand new tradition; I tell Danielle in member that I love her every day and that the DJs should say that they love her on the air. The DJs don't follow my brand new tradition.
Coming home was interesting. I got to the Metro North station and had to deal with the weird way the MTA deals with delayed and canceled trains. The 6:02 train that I planned on taking was canceled. There was a 5:37 that was delayed 35 minutes and a 5:44 delayed 25k minutes so both should have come around the same time and not that much later than I was planning on leaving but then without any warning a train pulled in at 6:00 and I got on that. Good thing I was looking. If I had just waited in the station house I'd have never know it was in. There was no announcement about it. Nobody seems to realize that what people care about the most is when is the next train, not what time certain scheduled trains are going to arrive. There should have been an announcement, "There's a Grand Central Station train bound train arriving, Harlem 125th street the only stop. That's what people really want to know.
I got to Grand Central and had a very short wait for the that was jam packed. I was just able to squeeze on. If people would move to the center of the car more people could get on the train but they don't. They'd rather crowd around the doors. At the first stop people got off and I was able to move to the center. A few stations after that I got a seat.
For dinner I had the leftover mac & cheese. Not the best dinner.
I listened to Slaid Cleaves's Everything You Love Will Be Taken Away. If you have been paying attention the last four years you might have picked up that's the way I feel. I've lost my car, my home, my job, and the love of friends that I love. I also lost friends to death. I am perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. If I sometimes seem insecure about things it's for a pretty good reason. The fact that I haven’t lost hope shows that I really am a cheerful hobbit.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.Emily Dickenson
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile October 09, 2015
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