I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
October 31, 2017 - 3:40 p.m.
Let's see if I remember how to do this blogging thing. To increase the degree of difficulty, I'm back on my meds and sleepy. I had two cups of coffee and my money is on the caffeine, the proof that god loves us. At least it would be if god existed. And if he existed and loved me I wouldn't need meds. Never mind. I'll just say that coffee is a very good thing. Alex claims they went two days without coffee. Liar! No one can survive two days without it.
What have I been up to the last two days? Sunday was very exciting, I didn't leave the house. With no sarcasm it was exciting for Game 5 of the World Series. I couldn't stay up till the end, I went to sleep shortly before it ended. It was a rare night I didn't fall asleep immediately, that might be because of the lack of the sleep inducing med, and I checked my phone at 2 AM and saw the Dodger's lost, that's who I am rooting for.
I woke up to good news, I wasn't indicted! It was Manafort and Gates. I was sure that Mueller was going to bust me. I'm safe for now but I'm still afraid that one of those two weasels will roll on me. I might come back to this later.
Yesterday I had adventures and an idiot story. I have not seen my psychiatrist since July. That shouldn't happen. The problem is that my therapy appointments are done automatically, I have set each appointment for the psychiatrist. It was earlier than I usually go and that's why I didn't blog yesterday. I thought she couldn't do it, but Jane gave me a ride to the train station, that saves me almost an hour. When I was in the waiting room a woman had her phone on speaker while on hold, so everyone got to hear the hold music and the repeated announcements of how important your call is to them. Here's the problem when you have appointments at a mental hospital; when someone does something annoying like that and you want to scream, "are you crazy?" The answer is very likely, "yes." You don't even get the pleasure of being mad at the offender.
The doctor refilled my prescriptions and sent them to the pharmacy in Pelham Bay, the closest one to me. I had been having them filled at the hospital. That is far more convenient, it's a 10-minute bus ride away.
The timing of the appointment was awkward. I'd have to wait half an hour till the next bus which would mean missing the next train that leaves in 33 minutes. It takes me only 30 minutes to walk it so that's what I did. The timing should have been perfect. It was a beautiful day, so I didn't mind the walk. The problem was that the train was then 12 minutes late. I almost missed it as the announcement was 15 to 20 minutes late, so I went over to the bagel shop. I got back as the train was pulling in. Then I went to Stop & Shop in New Rochelle, the bus home stops across the street. I timed that perfectly. What I didn't time was that there was a detour. That got me to Pelham Bay Park, where I switch buses 10 minutes late. I missed the bus by 2 minutes, which meant waiting 18 for the next one. I had planned on writing when I got home but even without meds I was somewhat tired, listless might be a better word, and I didn't have that much time, so I put it off till today.
Then I was off to my first Knick game in years. There were seasons then I went to almost 50 games, that includes post-season. I miss that; I miss basketball and I miss hanging out with Alan. Alan gave me this ticket at the last Met game of the season. Things have changed at Madison Square Garden in the last five years. You have to go through heavy security to enter. There are lines, I left myself enough time for that and to find Alan's new seats. They redid the interior. There are no more "Towers." There are no signs telling you which escalators are best. I went left, wasn't sure if that was better than right. Once there I was told which of the two escalators to use in what had been Tower C. Our seats were now in the 200s, they used to be in the 400s. They are just as high as they were then, the difference is now we have to climb steps in the stands to reach them. The next level, where we used to enter, is now access to new luxury seats that block our view of the scoreboard. They made things better for rich people and worse for everyone else. There was a large screen TV we could see with the score and stats on it. It was attached to the back of the luxury level.
I tried to get on Wi-Fi and had trouble logging in. I didn't make it till three minutes left I the game. I had wanted to post on Instagram for On Your Radar, but couldn't. I wanted to check into the game, but I couldn't.
I haven't been going to games or watching them, but I have read about the Knicks every day. I still follow them closely. Seven years ago, they were on the right track after years in the Wilderness. Then the owner Dolan overruled his GM, who had been doing a great job, and mortgaged the team's future for Carmelo Anthony. I screamed. With Anthony on the team they managed to win one playoff series and have two winning seasons. That's it. They gave up valuable draft pics. Anthony makes the players around him worse, not better. In his 14-year career this "superstar's" team has managed to win three playoff series; two of them when he was the third best player on the team according to win shares. Then Phil Jackson spent years wrecking the team. I was overjoyed when they signed him, but he was a terrible front office person. He did one great thing, drafting Kristaps Porzingis. I loved that pick, he was just what the team needed, someone with a very high ceiling and young enough for them to build around him. The rest of Phil's choices were terrible, typical Dolan moves, trading for or signing overpriced oft-injured veterans. Before last season I was the team was trying to capture the 2012 NBA title. The season was a disaster. This year Phil resigned, and they blew up the team. Melo is gone along with all the other players Phil overpaid for. Phil made one lasts good draft pic before departing, Frank Ntilikina (NEE-lee-KEE-nuh). He's French but the name is Kinyarwandan; he was born in Belgian to Rwandan parents who moved to Strasbourg when he was three. He is a walking geography lesson
The Knicks are rebuilding, expectations were very low. They didn't win a game in preseason but then won two in a row leading up to last night's game. I was optimistic, the better line was Denver +4 but in my prediction game with Alan I had the Knicks winning 110-106. The Knicks jumped out to a 23-point lead. Porzingis had 20 points at the half. He had scored at least 30 in four of the Knicks first five games, the first Knick to ever do so. In the third quarter they managed to blow the lead and fall behind but they fairly quickly regained the lead and won 116-110. With 30 seconds to go the score was my prediction. Porzingis scored 38 points. This was a satisfying win. Porzingis is third in the league in scoring at 29.8 points a game. Last season the Knicks were 31-51, in the offseason the lost their "best" player Anthony. They are now 3-3. The Oklahoma City Thunder were 47-35 last year and added "superstar" Carmelo Anthony and actual star Paul George. They are now 3-3. Did you pick up that I don't like Anthony? It's a long season and I doubt the Knicks will manage to keep up with the Thunder, but I would not be surprised if the Knicks improve more than OKC even though they just picked up role players and lost two "stars" the other being Derrick Rose. Ntilikina might develop into a star but as a teenage rookie he's a role player with limited minutes.
I had bad luck coming home and just missed the bus to City Island and had to wait half an hour for the next, so the trip took two hours. On the way to the game I picked up my meds at the CVS. I didn't check them out, I was too busy racing to dinner than the Knick game and flirting with pharmacy cashier. She asked me my birthday and I asked if she had a birthday present for me. She said, "no." I was crushed.
When I got home I went to take my meds. The Sertraline was fine but instead of Gabapentin there was Remeron. I was on Remeron for only a few days and had to stop because that made me so sleepy I couldn't stay awake all day. I had some Gabapentin left so I was able to take that. I called my psychiatrist and told her what happened. I thought that she had misclicked on the computer and sent in that old prescription. She checked, she didn't. CVS confirmed the Gabapentin. I don't know if is the fault of a person or a computer. On the bright side the cashier I flirted with said that she didn't have a birthday present for me but if I come in today I'll get candy. I should be coming in today. It's all for the best.
I managed to rip nine of the CDs in my pile during the World Series; five and a half hour games have unexpected benefits. I have serious topics to discuss but they will have to wait. If I manage to avoid adventures today I might manage to write about one tomorrow. There's a chance I'll be judging a costume contest. It depends on when my prescription is filled; otherwise Jane will handle it. Can I come up with a costume? It's ready now. Good timing, bad for judging. I'll go to the pharmacy and then to Aldi. That should stop me from having adventures. I will get candy! Tomorrow I can get half-priced candy!
Election day is next week. It has nothing to do with it being election day but I'm meeting Bri in the morning and then having lunch with Dan. I get to socialize with friends. I might even have a chance to say hi to Carolann. Bri is in town to do a shoot with her. If not, I'll see her at NERFA.
I forgot my idiot story! I dressed in multiple layers last night, t-shirt, shirt, and two hoodies. On the subway I put the hoodies in my sling pack. It was so warm in the Garden I had to take off the shirt too. There was no room in my bag, so I put it on the back of my chair. With 10 seconds to get in the game there was a time out. I move down about 8 rows to make it easier to get out and beat the crowd. The game ended. I made it to the concourse and realized I forgot my shirt. I had to climb back up 18 rows, on narrow stairs, while everyone else was leaving. So much for an easy getaway. If I hadn't done that I'd have been home half an hour earlier. It looks easy being an idiot but it's not. That's what the greats do, make things look easy.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
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