I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
May 26, 2016 - 7:42 p.m.
Time to catch up on the last few days. This entry will include not just commuting but food! You'll know it's really from me not space aliens that kidnapped me and are posting in my name. I know some of you suspected that. Of course I am now staying in the Bronx if you know what I mean.
Now to yesterday's Odyssey. First I went to my program at the hospital in Harrison, NY. I got a ride to the New Rochelle train station. I took the MetroNorth to Harrison, and then the bus to the hospital. That's the easy part. The last group was yoga which we did outside closer to the bus stop than where the program is so that was easy. I took bus back to the station, I had about 20 minutes to kill and then saw there was a Carvel nearby. It was hot so I was going to get a milk shake but then decided to go for a Sundae. I ordered a large peanut butter and hot fudge sundae. When it was done the server asked me, "what about the second one?" I said, "Huh? I only want one." She said it was buy one get one free. If I had known, I'd have gotten a small. But I didn't so I got a second large. Yes, I ate it. Yes, I'm a pig. I consider it part of my treatment so it's OK. Chocolate ice cream is good for my brain.
Then came the true expedition. So far it was what I did every day but yesterday I had to go to Brooklyn to get my old landlady to sign forms saying I had lived there so I could get my benefits from New York City. I lived in Crown Heights, not a short trip. I took the MetroNorth to Grand Central but then had several hours to kill. I had planned on doing something fun it was hot and wanted to be indoors and I was tired so I just went to the main branch of the library to read. It's always fun there anyway and I got some quality time in Westeros. I also managed to take a nap with my head propped in my hands and looking like I was reading so nobody would bother me. Yes, I can sleep anywhere anyhow.
I promised myself a proper sit down dinner. Thanks to all that ice cream I still wasn't hungry so I headed to Brooklyn. I decided to eat at Hill Country Barbecue. I tried something which might be new, or maybe I did try it before, the Beef Shoulder Clod. It was delicious. I ate less than I usually do, just a quarter pound of meat. I had the White Shoepeg Corn Pudding with it. That's amazingly good. It was just the kind of dinner I wanted. When I was done I was stuffed and it didn't cost me an arm and leg.
Then I had a little anxiety victory, I stopped at branch of my bank that was my regular one in Brooklyn and took money out. That's one of my anxiety triggers but I did it. Maybe I'm improving. Then I hopped back on the to my old apartment in Crown Heights. The landlady said she'd be back at 8:00. I gave her a little extra time and arrived about 8:15. I rang the bell and waited, and I waited, and I waited. Her kids were outside playing but she didn't answer. I was about to call her when she came to the door. She hadn't heard the bell ring.
She and her husband were exceptionally nice to me. They were concerned with how I was doing. I told them what was going on and they caught me up with what was going on with them. There was an added bonus. I picked up my shower supplies I had left in the shower. It weighed a ton, I had big bottles of shampoo and conditioner but I like having my own supplies and body wash. She kept asking me if I wanted food but I was stuffed to the gills. It's nice to have that kind of relationship with a landlord.
Then I had to get back to City Island. That's just about the furthest point in New York City from where I was. The trip on the to 125th street wasn't too bad. I started at the end of the line but it was still running express. But then I had to switch to the which runs local and take that to the end of the line. So I went from one terminus to another. Then I had to take a bus. It took about 2 hours. I spent about 5 hours on public transit yesterday. That's a bit wearing but part of me enjoyed it. I did get to take some naps and get some reading done.
Today was an easy day except that I didn't get a ride to the train station. I didn’t mind. I left a little earlier and took two busses to the train. I knew the timing would be tight to catch the train. When I saw lots of people get off the bus at a stop that was not the train station I asked if the station was near. It was and if I stayed on the bus it would have circled the station making stops for seven minutes. This way I walked two blocks and that was right to the track I needed. I got there and the train was in the station. I would have missed it and had to take the next train which does not connect with the bus if I had missed it. Now I know this is a viable route as the bus was a bit late so normally it would make it with more time to spare.
I'm making some friends in the program and one of them offered me a ride back to the station today. I took him up on it because he clearly wanted to do it but it saved me no time. The bus arrived 5 seconds after he dropped me off. But it's nice that he offered.
I'm becoming a supportive group member. One guy started lecturing a woman in the group. It was the classic giving someone advice when all they want is someone to hear their pain. And the advice was not even good practical advice. It was him telling her how to deal with being overwhelmed, like he knows. When he was done I told her the group how I understood exactly how she felt and I have felt the same way. I certainly know about feeling overwhelmed and how each small setback and seem so huge. Then when the group was over I talked to her one-on-one about how I know how the guy made her feel. She appreciated that. Now I'm the popular kid. How does that happen to me? I had no kids in high school. How did I become a people person? I guess live and learn is true.
I've had another sign of progress. I'm answering my phone when it is from unknown numbers. One call was a reminder for my appointment tomorrow. It is a psyche evaluation I need for my benefits. Then I have to hand in the paperwork from my landlord. Then I'll see what's to do in the City tomorrow night. I want to have one of typical evenings of music. Terre Roche is not doing her sunset sing so that's out. Maybe if I'm lucky I will be able to make it to Free Music Friday at the American Folk Art Museum. Any other suggestions? Are any of my friends playing?
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Memories: Not that Horrid Song - May 29, 2018
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