I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 07, 2013 - 10:58 a.m.

Fractal Life

Usually I say this when I'm having Crohn's problems but it's true now too, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired." As I said I work at acting happy, I work at being happy but sometimes the effort gets to me. I want to not dread what's coming.

That was a pleasant start. Anyone left here reading? I am a cheerful hobbit so I don't have much of a choice. I see the breech in the defensive line and run for daylight.

Yesterday I looked at another apartment in Brooklyn, this one in Windsor Terrace. I love the area and was looking forward to this one. To give me more to look forward to I arranged for Katherine to meet me there. She doesn't live that far away.

The cab to pick me up took a long time to get here and then after we left he got a call to pick somebody else up. I wasn't in danger of missing the train but I wanted to have time to stop at the bagel store first. Things were tight so I had him drop me off at the bagel store. I ordered my sausage, egg, and cheese on a salt bagel, ran across the street to get my ticket, ran back to pick up my bagel that was actually ready. I have no idea how they cooked it that fast, ran back across the street to the Starbucks that now occupies what was originally the station house to get an iced coffee, and still had three minutes before the train came.

It's a schlep getting anywhere from here. I have to call a cab, wait for it to get here, ride to the train station, take the commuter railroad to Grand Central Station, and then take the subway where I was going, Yesterday it was easiest to not take one of the many trains that come to the station but to walk to sixth avenue and take the . I did all this and managed to get there exactly on time. The address wasn't on the door so I had to call to find out which one it was. I was correct in my surmise and was standing in front of the right one. Katherine wasn't there yet but I went in. I got a quick tour of the place while the previous person was still there. She was late. I hope I get points for punctuality. Katherine arrived a bit after me and I went out to find her so she could find it.

I loved the space and even better I loved the potential roommates. The one who has the lease has a wall of pictures she's taken of musicians! Yes she's my people. I'm so glad Katherine met me. I didn't so much need the moral support as someone to make me look good. I'm not some random stranger, I'm a guy that has a friend in the area, a beautiful woman friend that doesn't think I'm a dangerous psycho killer. And yes I'm not a dangerous psycho killer.

We both knew people that the woman knows. She know Fred!, I expected to have musicians but not music fans. I hope that helps. It means that I essentially have references.

Oh yes the apartment has working central air. It's a duplex and I'd have the floor to myself when the roommates were sleeping. I'd be on the floor with the kitchen and it has its own bathroom. I want it! I'd say wish me luck but what does that mean? Sending positive thoughts, prayers, crossing fingers, etc, don't do anything and it's my job to remind you they don't do anything, I'll get the apartment or not based on the impression I made. Oddly this is one of the things I have self confidence about. I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and gosh darn people like me.

After we left Katherine I went to Connecticut muffin that had two things I wanted, AC and iced coffee. It also had Katherine but that's not an actual feature of the caf. It's BYOK. I got quality time with a friend where we talked about Falcon Ridge and music. We talked shop. I love talking shop. I love that a no talent schlub like me can talk shop with a musician.

Katherine had things to do and had to leave and I had to find dinner for myself. My plan was to once again go into Manhattan and vamp. On Facebook Damon mentioned that it was National Fried Chicken Day. I have been craving fried chicken for weeks. I'vce had Popeye's, which I love, but I wanted a nice basket of chicken and fries at a sit-down restaurant. He recommended a place on the west side. I went there but there were two problems. It was a bit pricey but I could have lived with that. What I couldn't live with is that it was served not in a basket with fries but with collard greens and other things I don't like. So I checked on my smart phone. There was a place called NYC chicken that got rave reviews. Someone said it was the best fried chicken in the City. I went there, it was half a mile away. I arrived and found that it was more of a stand than a restaurant. There were no seats and no AC and I being comfortable was part of the experience I wanted. So I headed over to the big burger, fries, and shake place across the street from the Port Authority. I don't know the name. It was quite good, not too much money, and no lines unlike Shake Shack. They even bring the food to your table. So that was nice and comfortable and easy. Remember the lead, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired so I pamper myself as much as I can.

Because it was so hot I did something I normally wouldn't do. I walked to Times Square and took the Shuttle instead of just walking over to Grand Central. It also allowed me to catch an earlier train. I am now just making trains instead of just missing them.

On the ride home I fell asleep before Harlem and woke up after we got into Hartsdale. I had to race to make it out the door before it closed. I was out like a light in between. Isn't it amazing that I woke at my station? I love that my body can do that.

I have been ending these entries with things that made me happy. I looked last night for videos of the Mets winning in 1969 but I'm listening to John Platt as I write this and he's playing something I can't resist sharing with you. One of my favorite bands playing one of my favorite versions of one of my favorite songs. I dare you to not be happy watching this.

It's a strange and beautiful world.

I'm leaving the House of Tom Bombadil today and going to stay with Bilbo and Frodo at Bag End Under Hill, back in civilization, i.e. Brooklyn. Civilization is having a good bagel shop in walking distance. All other definitions are nonsense.





Annoying People - September 03, 2016
This Play Was The Pits - September 02, 2016
Banking on Getting Better or Avoiding Katastrophe. - September 01, 2016
Unlike Gilligan I Got Off the Island - August 31, 2016
Call of the Wilder - August 30, 2016




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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. Horvendile July 07, 2013
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