I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
June 24, 2015 - 11:51 a.m.
I might actually write two short entries rather than one long one this morning. Of course the short entries might be so short that together they'd make one medium length on in which case I'll combine them. I want to write about something that would be of general interest to the Clearwater and WFUVaudiences but I also want to get personal.
OK I actually wrote the general audience piece. No you can go read it, Clearwater Old and New. Now I have to figure out what to write here. First off what did I do yesterday? I finally did laundry. It's been over three weeks, closer to four. I was out of underwear and I did wash some by hand to get me through the weekend. Somehow that tired me out. My plan was to see the Amigos Band. I was supposed to leave a little after 7:00 the show was at 8:00. I was on my computer at 7:00 or should I say it was on me, at least on my lap. At 8:00 I woke up, the computer was still on my lap. I pretty much passed out. I didn't faint. It was just falling asleep, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I did get myself out of the house again to go shopping. I love that stores are open late. It wasn't like that when I was kid. I ate a very late dinner. I know laundry isn't exciting but I have to bring up summer laundry. It is so much lighter and less voluminous. I rarely wear long pants or even long sleeve shirts. I don't wear socks. Everything is made of lighter materials. Even though I waited weeks I could fit it all but the whites in one medium sized machine. I didn't give myself a hernia carrying it either. Little things can make me happy.
I spent my two days at Clearwater very differently. Saturday I spent with Joy. It was always a matter of what WE wanted to do. Sunday I was on my own. I might watch an act with somebody but didn't travel with anyone. I enjoy both ways but I very rarely get to do the first. When I lament that people will say, "I love doing things by myself." Well so do I. I don't know many people that do more things themselves than I do. The vast majority of what I do, I do alone. But that's the thing. It's the vast majority. I like to make plans with people to. As I often put it, I like there to be a meaningful "We." That's not part of my life now. I wrote in today's other entry about the virtues of Clearwater's mix of music. I'd like a better mix of doing things on my own and with people. What makes it hard is that I don't want to do things with just anyone. I don't need to have people around me. What I need is the right people and that's so hard to explain. It's not a matter of just liking or disliking people. I get afraid if I bring this up people will say, "Go with me?" I also get afraid people won't say "Go with me."
I wonder if I write too much about being lonely. I wonder if I write too much about being unhappy. People think of me as a positive person. I AM a positive person. I'm a cheerful hobbit. But things are complex and I feel better when people know that. But I don't want to come off as a complainer. Or a person that over analyzes things. Help me. Is there a way out of this writing dilemma? Maybe that's the way. Yes it is. It worked.
In any event tonight I'm doing something by myself. It will probably be going to Terre Roche's album release show. But Rob Schwimmer has a piano and Theremin concert tonight at Barge Music. Then the Quebe Sisters are playing in Woodbridge. They are all relative rarities.
Now to make breakfast. Is it a breakfast sandwich day? I think so.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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