I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
September 13, 2017 - 11:22 a.m.
This should be short, I slept most of yesterday. That's a great way to pass the time when you are too sick to go out or even eat. I know longer have the clean break where all of a sudden, I know the Crohn's attack passed. I am still sick, just not as sick as I was. I managed to eat a bagel with butter last night. That was it for food. I don't think I'm ready for much more for breakfast today.
Despite my lack of energy, I managed to do a few things that cause anxiety. That's a good thing. It's what I'm working on in therapy, rewiring my brain from avoidance. It's not easy and it's not pleasant.
I said I didn't go out but that's wrong, I voted! It was the only time I came down from my living area on the top floor. I did not get dressed, I went in a t-shirt and sweats. Last time I voted I wore my white suit. I usually just dress in whatever I was going to wear that day anyway and yesterday I spent in bed.
The local polling place did not do a good job; I have to figure out how to complain. This was only my second time voting there, it's at a school on City Island but a part I never go to. I checked on the Board of Elections website and it said to enter the school from the back through the school yard. I got to the school and there were no signs saying, "Vote Here!" There were two gates, one led to a park and the other along the side of the school. I figured the park was the school yard. I was wrong. A woman walking her dog saw me and set me straight. I walk along the side of the building and made my way to the back. It was something of a byzantine route and there was not a single sign. Then I came across people shouting. A voter was complaining that they didn't have signs saying where to vote to two poll workers standing outside. They pointed him to the entrance that I couldn't see. I came up to the poll workers and said, I vote this way?" They said yes and pointed to an unmarked door. I then had this exchange.
You really should have signs up.That bald-faced lie is the part that got me furious. The right response is, "I'm sorry, there really should be a sign there; the gentleman before you had the same problem." I think I'll call 311, the City's help line and tell them. I have to report a broken street light too.
The poll worker I had to sign in with was grumpy too. She handed me the ballot and didn't tell me what to do with it. I know but I didn't know where the kiosks where you fill out the ballot or the scanners were. I had to ask. Usually they are so felicitous. Maybe it's because it was after 8 PM and she had been there since the polls opened. I usually vote earlier. The only nice person was the person at the scanners.
After I voted I came straight home. I couldn't make it up the stairs at first so I lay down on the couch downstairs and watched the Met game. After an hour or so I got the energy up to toast a bagel. That was a major effort. Then I went back upstairs and went on the computer for a while. Even though I had slept most of the day when I went to bed at midnight I had no trouble falling asleep.
I don't intend on leaving the house today but I have plans from Thursday through Sunday. I hope I'm up for them.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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