I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 02, 2012 - 7:46 p.m.

I Don't Like Mondays

Today is Monday. Some Mondays are more Monday than others. Today is extremely Monday. Tha's wh it's 6:17 PM and I'm only starting to write now.

Monday is my day for therapy. I have to leave here before ten. Ideally I get up early and write then. Today I was up at 7. I didn't write. I somehow didn't even have time to make breakfast. I spent all my time on the computer but I'm not quite sure doing what. A big part of it was spent on email. I finally started putting my contacts into my android phone. The problem is that the battery of my old phone died and I can't recharge it so I lost all my phone numbers. So what did I do? I posted on FB and asked people to send me their numbers and I emailed people whose numbers I felt I needed. That meant I got a lot of emails. It took quite some time to just enter the phone numbers. It helps that I realized that I didn't have to do it on my phone but could use gmail so I simply copy and pasted the numbers. Of course there were some people that responded with more than their phone numbers and I ended up doing some actual correspondence. I am still a vortex of ill fortune. Are my poor friends suffering for my sins? Of course not. There might not even be more misfortune around me than usual and Im just hearing about it more. But my guess is that by chance more of my friends are having problems than usual; divorce, cancer, friends dying, losing jobs, relationship problems, troubles on the job; you name it I know someone it's happening to.

Once I left the house things didn't get better. My plans for the rest of the day were to go to therapy, then to my bank so I could pay my rent, then out to Queens to visit Aubrey. That problem hit a snag as soon as it was too late to do anything about it. I discovered that I left my phone home. I had the info I needed to pay the rent on the phone. That meant I had to go home after therapy and couldn't visit Aubrey. I felt bad about that. So after therapy I eschewed my usual sausage but I did stop at Trader Joe's. I forgot to mention that I left the milk out over night so I had to buy milk. It's much cheaper at Trader Joe's. Of course once I was there I bought other things too. Then I came home and wasted time. I was afraid I'd do that but planned for it. I finally got to my bank and discovered that it would cost me $35 to transfer money into the account of the guy I'm subletting from so I had to change plans again and get cash simply deposit it into his account. I did find out how to set things up to pay next month's rent automatically. I can't actually do that at the bank. I have to do that online

So that's how my day went. I'm pretty sure I'm leaving out other idiotic things I did.

I pretty much spent yesterday exactly the way I said I wouldn't, holed up in my room. I was so frustrated at that that I forced myself to cook a real dinner even though the apartment was boiling. I made my famous potato-garlic-bacon soup. The one thing I didn't have that I needed was a measuring cup. I just judged half of the container of chicken broth. I can tell by how much I made and its consistency that I had used too little. Good thing cooking is forgiving. It still tasted great. I just didn't have enough for a second meal.

I've been writing quite a bit about the different ways I appreciate musicians. I do the same things with friends. There are two ways that are closely related. One is verbal pinball. I don't think I've ever used the term but I am 100% sure that everyone I play it with that reads this will know exactly what I mean. It's basically interacting like characters in a Tom Stoppard play, especially Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. It owes a lot to Wilde and Shaw too. Conversation becomes a game with every changing rules, Calvin Ball with words. You take advantage of every meaning of every word used. You play on the ambiguity of language. Pretty much everything is a reference to something else and you follow the conversation wherever it leads. Part of the fun is post mortems, you try to remember how you got from A to B. The ability to play the game is the best intelligence test I know. I can be friends, good friends with people that can't play it but I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with someone that couldn't. As one of my friends said about a potential bf, "he can keep up with me!" She is one of the best players I know and though she didn't say it outright verbal pinball is what she meant. If someone can't turn a conversation on a dime it just isn't as much fun.

The closely related thing is speaking in code. It isn't a written code or a formal code. It is just using so many references to shared experiences that nobody else can understand what you are talking about. When I was talking to Carey, aka bad Carey, aka male Carey, aka New York Carey,, for the first time in ages, I realized that the two people I do that with the most are the two Careys. The other is Good Carey, aka female Carey, aka Chicago Carey. Calling them Good Carey and Bad Carey is one of the references, one that I think other people have picked up on. Not really sure. If people ever understood what we were actually talking about I'm pretty sure we'd be ostracized. We can say the most shameless things and nobody will know what we mean so we get away with it. Bad Carey doesnt use FB but Good Carey has. Raise your hand if you've read comment conversations I've had with Carey and been totally bewildered? That isn't the idea, it isn't why we do it, but I know we have that effect. Of course it's something I enjoy. It's bonding. There's a good chance I do it with you too.

I hate to do it but I think I'm going to go out for dinner tonight. Then I'm going to hang out at the air conditioned muffin place with wifi and play on my laptop while drinking iced coffee.

Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017

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Horvendile July 02, 2012
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