I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
May 23, 2012 - 12:52 a.m.
Sorry that I've been a bit behind on my writing. The good news is that it isn't the Chronoklepts or anxiety, it's actually me being busy getting my life in order.
Now I have to decide on how reticent to be. I'm going for very, protecting other people's privacy. I'm close to telling you about what's going on with me. I'm waiting for more of an off day.
This morning, with lots of help from a friend, I overcame my anxiety issues and got something done that needed to be done. I just need someone to hold my hand. That's a big "just" as the someone needs to hold my hand just right, not so hard as to crush the bird but not so lose as to set it free.
After that I headed out to Long Island to visit a friend in the hospital. I'll flip a coin to decide on what gender to use. "She" won. She is in the hospital with two brain tumors. It is disconcerting to see the change in her behavior. She has become delusional and obsessive. She thinks she has all sorts of legal and financial problems that she doesn't while often ignoring the medical problem. She was better today with realizing that the health has to be her top priority. Better, that doesn't mean she isn't delusional, she's just manifesting it differently.
I stayed for several hours then headed back to the City where there was a meeting of the Christopher Street Coffeehouse Advisory Committee. I was so happy to be feeling well enough to go and even make contributions. I'm always better at dealing with other people's affairs than my own I have a homework list of jobs I volunteered for. I'm going to take care of them all before going to bed.
Dinner was a bit awkward. I ate at Whole Foods in Chelsea. Well that's not true. That's what I attempted to do but after I got my food at the food bar I discovered that they have no place to eat it. I never saw a Whole Foods like that. To compound the problem, I got barbecue ribs. Needless to say, I was a mess when I was done.
I should write more but I'm falling asleep. I might have more time tomorrow.
Now I still have to get things done. I'm not going to procrastinate and I'm not going to get overwhelmed with anxiety. I'm just going to deal with things.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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