I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

February 07, 2013 - 1:47 p.m.


We had a fire drill right after my first class. I was in the bathroom at the time. You know that is not something I feel comfortable rushing. I then stopped at my office to get my coat because it was freezing. When I left the building I took advantage of being dressed for outside by going to the Europan Caf for lunch. Notice it isn't European. The majority of the people I hear say the name get it wrong.

Yesterday was not a good day; in fact it as a very bad one. I spent most of it in bed. I wasn't physically sick the problem was anxiety. It was one of those days I couldnt answer emails or messages. This has been going on all week but came to a head yesterday. I felt the physical weight on my chest. I finally managed to get up and go out for dinner thanks to Jake. He knew I was having problems and said, "bacon wrapped hot dogs." Yes that got me moving. Funny thing is that I changed my mind and didn't have that for dinner. Crif dogs the place I'd have gotten it is just too inconvenient to get to make a special trip. Instead I went to my old hood, Fort Greene and got a burger and fries from 67 burger. The burger was great and the fries mediocre. The worst part is that the fries came 10 or 15 minutes after the burger. The waitress just forgot about me. Other people got their fries.

I had a hot chocolate and chocolate cupcake for dessert at CT Muffin a few doors down. Yes I had chocolate and chocolate. I was not in a good mental state; consider it medication. I do.

I thought I had the internet all fixed but Celebrian is having problems connecting with her iPhone and iPad. I don't know anything about the phones but I'll see if I can get the iPad connected. I'm not an Apple person but I can sometimes figure these things out

I've been in therapy for nine months and I'm still getting paralysis. Is it time for me to change therapists? Funny thing is that if I do that's actually a sign of progress.

Now I'm not in the mood for the serious topic I was thinking about. Maybe I'll talk about something more personal.

I'm getting annoyed at people for reasons that don't deserve my approbation again. Today's WFUV question of the day was about the new monopoly piece.

Voters decided that the cat will be the new Monopoly token- what do you think? If you're a cat lover, send us songs about cats, if you'd have picked something different- send us your choice!

Virtually everyone sent in songs about cats. I can't believe that it was almost everyone's first choice. People just didn't understand the question and thought it was songs about cats. They couldn't keep their attention focuses all the way to the second clause. This is the kind of thing that always bothers me. What I realized was that I make mistakes like that too and when I do it's when I call myself an idiot. It isn't so much that don't make those kinds of mistakes but that I expect myself to go better and don't consider it acceptable. If people know what they did is stupid, that makes it less stupid and more of an oversight.

The other day Carey and I were playing on turntable.fm. Carey went from Velvet Underground and Nico to something with bananas in the title. She asked with trepidation, "You know why I played that after VU don't you?" At first I didn't. I was an idiot. Here is the connection.

I did get it in a matter of seconds but that it wasn't instant was unforgivable. My relationship with Carey is pretty much based on mental pinball, instantly getting each other's references and realizing why they naturally follow. It's what most of my closest relationships with my best friends are based on. It's what I do. It's what my friend do. Of course the general population is not going to be as good at that. It's sample bias. I can't just based on my friends and it is unfair to the rest of the world to do so. It isn't just that they aren't going to get the references, I don't expect everyone to get every reference. I would not expect Carey to get most of my sports or Lord of the Rings references (unless they were in the films). It's that most people's minds don't work that way, at least not as quickly. I don't want to be judged harshly for my weaknesses, like remembering names or lyrics, or if I like someone. Of course I never say anything voicing my my something that means scorn but far milder. Is there such a word?
OK I'm going to finish this up and post it. Maybe I'll actually get to the movies today after school.

Do you get the title or do you face my milder version of scorn?

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Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
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Horvendile February 07, 2013
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