I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me โ that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter โ except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
January 22, 2014 - 10:31 a.m.
Guess who is having a Crohn's attack. Come on guess. That's right your humble diarist. Let's see how this goes. Preferably short then back to sleep.
Yesterday was the first day of school. Oh I wrote about that yesterday so I pick up from when I finished writing. School closed at 2:00 and I wanted to be at Rockwood Music Hall at 6:00. How should I spend my time? I went to the movies. I picked the film based on time and saw one not high on my list but that I knew I'd probably enjoy Thor: The Dark World at the AMC on 42nd street. The snow had not started and there were not many people there. I went to a kiosk to buy my ticket and it couldn't read my card so I went up the human beings and bought one. It was $3 cheaper! Nowhere when you bought at the kiosk did it say that. That's insane and should be illegal. I can understand paying a premium of ticket in advance but charging more for a service that costs them less is ridiculous. Now I know.
I got there after previews had started and sat down. Within a few minutes I had heartburn. I wish I had antacids on me. I didn't. I figured I'd just wait it out. My water bottle was empty so I went to fill it shortly after the film started. Then I went to the bathroom. And when I was there I realized that I didn't have my phone. ARGGGHHHH! I had left it on my desk at school at one point. I hope it's still there. I hope that it didn't fall out of my pocket on the subway. School was closed and there was nothing I could do and went back and watched the movie. Have I mentioned that I'm an idiot?
I still had the heartburn. It was as bad as I've ever had it. I was suffering most of the film. But I did still enjoy it. As soon as I left I went to Duane Reade and bought antacids. They didn't have extra strength. That wasn't good. I took four and it helped a bit but not the instant relief I'm used to. I had an awkward amount of time to kill. I was going to go shoe shopping but there wasn't enough time for that so I just sat and read at the LIRR waiting room. Whenever I am there I think of the time I told a friend to meet me there. She said "It's only for ticketed customers." I told her that I use it every day, I did then, and they never ask. They asked her and kicked her out. I can just imagine how suspiciously she was acting. I have never seen them ask ANYBODY! The rule is there to keep out homeless people. It's such a clear space of a negative attitude creating a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Then I went to Rockwood. There was just one bartender there when I walked in at five minutes to showtime. Savannah had canceled. She's from Buffalo for god's sake. Paul left work early, Savannah missed her gig. Buffalonians are losing their edge. She was driving down from Boston so maybe there was a little excuse.
Don't worry Savannah I still love you. That was all directed at Paul the wuss from Buffalo.
So here I was sick and no show till 8 PM when Jean Rohe came on. I missed her last week and didn't want to miss two weeks in a row of her solo residency. I just crashed at Rockwood. The staff was very understanding. I take it that I looked sick. I sat with my head down on the table a lot. I made trips to the bathroom. I how do I put this politely, I barfed three times. I was a bit self-conscious about the sound. Nobody said anything. More staff had showed up and the 7 PM performer. He was very nice but I was in no shape to judge his music. I felt bad about sitting there so out of it but it was suffer at Rockwood and hear Jean or suffer alone at home and chose the former. When he was one I went over to Jean and told her to not take my lack of enthusiasm personally. She would notice I wasn't my usual exuberant self. I was feeling a bit better, I had just barfed, and talked to her friend for a bit. Jean always has interesting friends. I'm always bad with names and I am not even going to call myself an idiot for forgetting it under the circumstances.
Jean actually did a duo show with a fiddler named Mazzi something or other. I'm not going to judge her music either. But I was able to keep alert for Jean's which is amazing as always. I realized that her solo songs are just as brilliant as the ones with the End of the World Show, her big band, they just aren't as obvious about it. Have you picked up that I like Jean's music? I like Jean the person too. After the show she gave me a hug and told me to feel better. The hug itself made me feel better and not just on an emotional level. I was cold the entire time. I wore my jacket. The hug drove off that sickly inner coldness.
The trip home took way longer than usual. Because it was so cold and I was so sick I decided to not take the to Jay Street then walk outside to Borough Hall to catch the . Normally I take in whatever direction it comes first. So I waited for an uptown train to take me one stop to where I could catch a t. Of course the downtown train came first. I just missed the at Broadway Lafayette. If I were healthy and could run I perhaps could have caught it. Then two before the . I waited about half an hour. The total trip is often that long. I then just missed the and again if I were healthy I'd have run and caught it. Instead I waited for the which runs local.
I got home and took my 20 mg of prednisone and two acetaminophens. I got on the computer, let the world know I was phoneless, and slept on and off with a computer on my lap. I'm still not right. The attack is presenting itself now the way it did 25 years ago, I am just week and feverish. No pain or discomfort. I'm going to go back to sleep now and head to school when it reopens at 2 PM and look for my phone. then I'll come straight home and rest in bed. .
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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