I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
November 22, 2012 - 10:40 a.m.
I think I'll keep it short today as I don't want to eat too late and I pretty much always write before I eat. I break my writing fast first.
The reason I don't want to eat too late is that I've been invited to Thanksgiving dinner. It was a cliff hanger but I heard last night. Now that I have plans I can tell the tale. What am I saying? I already told the parts I was hesitant to write about. I didn't have any place to celebrate Thanksgiving and was not happy about that so I wrote this: Riding the Curl. I let people know that I was looking for a place to go for the holiday. I got one generous response but it was from someone I don't know well and it didn't feel right. I talked about it with my shrink. I said that the people I really wanted to spend Thanksgiving with were Larry and Diana. I had a great time the years I was invited there. We played games. We talked like nerds. It was all friends so I didn't feel I was intruding on a family gathering. And I don't see them nearly enough. My shrink asked me if I had told them that. I said "No, you can't just invite yourself for Thanksgiving dinner." She said I could. I wasn't convinced. I talked about it with Carey. She said I should too. I still felt funny about it. But at T-1 Day I wrote them. Last night they called me and invited me. I'm so lucky to have such good friends. They live in Jersey and the problem is getting there. The other times I've been to their house I took the shuttle bus across the George Washington Bridge. They picked me up on the other side. Today looks like a beautiful day so I'm going to walk. It gives me one other thing to be thankful for. I love walking and it will put another bridge on my resume.
I'm having a rough time but the thing is that is what makes it clearest what you are thankful for. I'm still riding the tsunami but I'm still on my board. When I get my own place again I'll be so thankful I might never leave it. Well OK, not until a musician I want to hear is playing. That might take a day or two. Of course it might be that night.
Oh I almost forgot the cosmic synchronicity. I often talk about escaping from my anxieties by going to Discworld. Now I'm reading "The Last Continent." It takes place on XXXX which is clearly stated to not be Australia. It just has kangaroos, and platypuses and people talking like Aussies. This is what it says at the gates of its Wizards University.
Terry Pratchett doesn't even try to hide the fact that he writes just for me.
As I was trying to force myself to do something I was thinking about how there are so many things you have to fight for. It's just entropy of course, basic physics. There are far more ways for things to go wrong than right. There's a cost on imposing order on our small corner of the universe. The thing is that the my toughest fights are with myself. I fight dirty.
Is it bad that I'd like to think that it's the same with most people. I don't know if it is. I don't know how I'd find out if it is. Hell I don't know how to show that it's true for me. Maybe it's all my misperception. People misperceive things all the time. I'm a people. But still you know what I mean. At least I hope you do. It's all part of the same thing. If we share the experience it isn't as bad.
I didn't get my songs played on WFUV's question of the day today so I'll play one of them for you now. The question was, "What are you thankful for."
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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