I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

March 04, 2013 - 12:06 p.m.

in the Dark Night Alone ...

I wanted to write earlier today or even last night. Oh well at least I'm writing. I'll start with the personal. I broke out of one of my blocks yesterday and finally got the On Your Radar event for this month up. Then with Katherine's help I got the Reverbnation up and running with songs and now videos and pictures and everything. I hate having something new added to my anxiety list. But that's the nature of the beast. What I have anxiety about comes and goes. It reminds me of what Jonathan Miller said about his stammering. He'll wake up in the morning and find he has a problem with the letter p, the next day it will be b. There's no rhyme or reason to it. It bothers me that my therapist just doesn't get that notion. She thinks there has to be a discoverable reason for everything Does she think Miller had some sort of trauma with specific letters? No but she thinks there has to be some sort of trauma with what I have issues with. There could be but there is no reason that should be the null hypothesis.

OK now on to the fun stuff. Last night I went to Church Korner Concerts aka Chris and Seth's house to see Tracy Grammer. I could have gotten a ride but by tradition I always get there an hour early and I wanted to take advantage of being able to walk there. Concerts there are a throwback to my Frhead days. In addition to Chris; Gella, Shelly, Carolyn, Sharon, and Donna were there. Gella might be the person I saw most often and Frvous shows. There were plenty of other friends there too that I've met more recently, Gene & Isabel, Meg, Coco & Bruce, Fred, and Catherine. They should all be names familiar to My Gentle Readers. What dear friend have I just insulted by forgetting. the list is supposed to be in the order I met them. I think it's right.

I didn't want to break tradition by not being early but I did by not taking my usual seat in the front row. I was in fact near the back with Meg and Katherine. Fred took my seat. That's only fitting as I pick it as the photography seat and he had a camera and I didnt. It had absolutely nothing to do with sitting with cute women. Nope nothing at all.

Sitting near the back didn't end the world but when I shushed Gella Chris was afraid that might. It is a role reversal.

Ahh Tracy. Do you know her? She used to be the partner in both the musical and personal sense of Dave Carter. Dave was the greatest songwriter of his generation,. Yes I'm saying that without any qualifications. I was going to say I always felt a strong connection with him but that's not true. It grew and grew and continued to grow after his death on my birthday in 2002. Every line he wrote had three meanings. The songs were on so many levels that they were fractals. And they did that without being in the slightest bit pretentious. People forget how funny he could be. That's always a way into my heart. The first time I saw them the song I walked away remembering was Crocodile Man. Do you have to be told that's a funny song?

Tracy has had to find her way performing since he died. She started off solo then played with Jim Henry, and now is back to solo. With Dave she fiddled but can't do that solo. Her fiddling is the one thing I miss when she plays alone. You can't really sing and fiddle at the same time.

She might spend as much time telling stories as singing during her sets and that's a good thing. Her stories are charming, funny, or poignant. They all have a point. Is someone can hear them and walk away not liking Tracy as a person I don't want to meet them.

On more than one song as soon as she started singing tears came to my eyes. They flowed freely on what is on my very short list of greatest songs ever written Gentle Arms of Eden

On a sleepy endless ocean when the world lay in a dream
There was rhythm in the splash and roll, but not a voice to sing
So the moon shone on the breakers and the morning warmed the waves
Till a single cell did jump and hum for joy as though to say

This is my home, this is my only home
This is the only sacred ground that i have ever known
And should i stray in the dark night alone
Rock me goddess in the gentle arms of eden

Then the day shone bright and rounder til the one turned into two
And the two into ten thousand things, and old things into new
And on some virgin beach head one lonesome critter crawled
And he looked about and shouted out in his most astonished drawl

This is my home ...

Then all the sky was buzzin and the ground was carpet green
And the wary children of the wood went dancin in between
And the people sang rejoicing when the field was glad with grain
This song of celebration from their cities on the plain

This is my home ...

Now there's smoke across the harbor, and there's factories on the shore
And the world is ill with greed and will and enterprise of war
But i will lay my burden in the cradle of your grace
And the shining beaches of your love and the sea of your embrace

This is my home ...

I have often quoted "this is my home this is my only home" here. Last night it struck me that I have strayed into the dark night alone. That's as good a summary of what's happened to me as I can think of. But through it all I haven't forgotten that I'm embraced by the Gentle Arms of Eden. It would make a great planetary anthem. The tears are flowing again.

After the show Katherine helped me set up the Reverbnation. I was going to go to a caf with internet but Chris said to just stay at his house. Kaherine was afraid were were imposing but I knew with them it wasn't. They'd feel free to kick me out if they wanted me out. We're good enough friends to not worry about these things.

I walked Katherine to the subway, it was only a few blocks away. As we got close we heard someone ranting very loudly in some language or other. Ranting might not give the right impression. Think of someone on a soapbox telling people what's wrong with the world. That was him. We didn't see him. The voice was just there. Katherine said "that's what I love about New York." Me too and saying that is what I love about Katherine.

I'm listening to Dave and Tracy as I write this. It affected the mood of my writing. I'm being constantly moved and want to keep saying awwww. Listen to their songs and you'll see beauty and good in the world you didn't know was there.

Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017

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Horvendile March 04, 2013
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