I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
February 27, 2015 - 1:08 p.m.
Yesterday I wrote a very happy entry, We're in the Money. You'd think I'd be very happy. I wasn't. It was not a good mental health day. I said how I had to create the event for the next John Platt's On Your Radar. I didn't get myself to do it till late in the evening. I couldn't get myself to do much of anything. And that was after a great breakfast of cinnamon French toast! I just realized that. Food therapy failed me!
Financial crises and the like feed my anxiety but unhappiness most often comes from social interactions. To make things worse it's difficult to write about them. Hell just saying that I as unhappy has been known to exacerbate my problems.
I know it seems strange that somebody who has as many friends as I do, friends who came in and helped me when I was in need, can feel alienated. But I do and it's not because it' the way I'm built. I'm not always this way. Sometimes I feel totally connected What changes is not within me but without. Well at least partially without. Have I already said too much? Well I'll leave it there and hope for the best.
So I stayed home and did nothing. I had planned on treating myself to a dinner out to celebrate. Then I felt too listless to get dressed and go out. But experience has taught me that it's always best to fight that. Sometimes just going to the store will help. At first I planned on going to the Vanderbilt and having their marvelous kielbasa and cottage fries. But that's two trains and a hike. So I made it easy and went to Hill Country Brooklyn. That's a block from the Borough Hall Stop on the . This was my first time there not to hear a band. It isn't cheap so I can't go there often. But I needed food therapy. It wouldn't fail twice. I had a quarter pound of lean brisket, a rib, and white shoepeg corn pudding. That latter I can't get anywhere else. And you know what. I felt better. I would have been happier celebrating with somebody but I was over the worst of it. I had to stop at the drug store and while I was there I bought a brownie. When I got home I had hot chocolate. I pulled out all the stops.
So then I could create the Facebook event. On Your Radar with Burning Bridget Cleary, Leo Sidran, and Skye Steele. I got an IM as soon as it was shared and I knew what that meant. I made a typo. I said "Burning Bridget Clearly." Thanks Gene for catching that so fast. Of course it was the act I know best. You should go to this one. OK you should go to all of them but especially this one. It's St. Patrick's Day and BBC is one of my favorite Irish bands even though the members aren't Irish. They are talented. Are three of them Italian? I think so. But I digress. You might know Skye as a Jean Rohe's violin player. But he has some great solo stuff too. And he used my choice of song to post on our Reverb Nation page.
Writing about that makes me feel better too.
Ouch it's late. OK this will be short. I've been thinking a lot about politics but nothing suitable for here.
I have a chocolate truffle in my mouth now and it's hard to think of anything else. So you know what? I'm not going to.
Breaking news. Leonard Nimoy died. OK he's just an actor. OK he wasn't a great actor. I don't care. He's Mr. Spock and that matters. He mattered a great deal to me growing up. He never left me. I don't ask what would Jesus do? But What would Spock do? How many times have I watched each and every episode of the original series. Ten would be conservative. At conventions he was one of the best guests, perhaps the best. He was funny and unpretentious. He was silly. He lived long and he prospered. I'll miss him.
Oh and he did this.
I actually have tears in my eyes. That's silly. I met him but I don't know him. But he's been with me since I was nine.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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