I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
June 06, 2012 - 12:23 p.m.
I'm writing and posting this entry from my own apartment! It's about time. The next step that I hope takes no longer than tomorrow is setting up my desktop computer and just using the laptop from bed. Wait that's the latest news: now I have to tell the back story. No Carey that does not make me Dr. Doofenschmirtz.
I have two days to cover. That could mean a long entry but that would involve me remembering things. My Gentle Readers know better than that.
I still don't have the gas hooked up in my apartment which means I'm eating all my meals, including breakfast, out. Good thing this neighborhood is filled with good places to eat. Until this morning my routine was to get up early, eat breakfast then go to Connecticut Muffin for coffee; Why? They have WiFi and it's a lot nicer sitting there than at Starbucks or McDonalds.
On Monday I went from breakfast to therapy. I love being less than half a hour away. I was feeling good on Monday and talked a blue streak during my session. In other words I act like I always do. I have a feeling my therapist thinks she's a miracle worker. Yes I'm greatly improved since I first saw her but I don't think she gets the credit. I'm just adjusting to my new circumstances so getting back to my precrisis self. The thing is that it was the problems of my precrisis self that precipitated the crisis. I can see how I can fool her. It's the same way I fooled everyone. When you talk to me you see a bundle of energy and enthusiasm. I am a bundle of energy an enthusiasm. I'm good at being happy. Those aren't my problems. But when you see me like that it's hard to picture me lethargic or even paralyzed. It just doesn't fit our preconceived notions of how people act. They don't fit my preconceived notions. That is why I don't trust preconceived notions. My pet intellectual peeve is belief in thing because they sound good instead of empirical evidence.
After therapy I went to Sausage Inc. I tried the farmer's sausage this week. I don't remember everything in it but I know it has bacon. It was delicious. I enjoy talking to the personable and cute woman behind the counter as I do eating the sausage. She has a boyfriend but that doesn't stop me from calling her my girlfriend. It stops me from letting her know it but I can call her that to you. I think she owns the place. So you should go there and say that I sent you so she gets to feel that she owes me one.
After sausage I went for another internet fix. I didn't have a lot time after breakfast. This one was at Starbucks in the City. That was a serendipitous choice. I was writing to Carolann and suggested that she write a song called "The get on craig's list and find an apartment rag."I glanced over at the guy sitting next to me and what was he doing. Looking on Craig's list for an apartment. I told him what I had just written and we started talking. That's so much why I love New York. You can start conversations like that with random strangers and some of them don't look at you like you have two heads. We ended up having a great conversation. We really should have exchanged contact info. I might see him around anyway as I was selling him on the virtues of this neighborhood and he started looking here.
After Startbucks I went to Trader Joe's for a few things then headed home. My plan was to buy a TV and computer desk so that I would have both ready for when the cable guy came on Tuesday. I couldn't do either though. I had hurt my back on Sunday getting things from my storage unit and there was no way I could bring things up my steps. I ended up just resting my back and wishing that I had taken my heating pad out of storage.
I finally felt good enough to go out for dinner and tried out the Cuban Restaurant. I loved it. I had the Cuban sandwich, pulled pork, ham, and Swiss cheese with a side of plantains. So far that's my favorite restaurant. It helps that the hostess is gorgeous and my new girlfriend. No she does not know that.
Then it was back to Connecticut Muffin for my final internet fix of the day. I forgot my earbuds so I couldn't play on turntable with Carey.
When I got home I realized that I did take my heating pad out of storage. It helps quite a bit.
Yesterday I had no choice, I had to buy a TV before 2 PM when the cable guy was scheduled, well actually between 2 and 5. The Time Warner Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle says you can't get the time more accurate than that. That meand we can determine the guy's energy very accurately but I didn't test it.
Best Buy is only 3 block away and I walked over there for a set. They were sold out of my first choice which was on sale. Iasked what they had for a comparable price and the only one was an open box item. I never mind those. My family has been buying them as long as I can remember. I got a $300 set for $200. When I tried to set up the set I discovered this was not as great a deal as I expected. It had all the little bags hardware come in but almost all of them were empty. All there were, were four screws. The set up guide was fro the wrong brand off TV. Not the wrong model, the wrong brand. Whoever repacked and inspectetd that box did a terrible job. I thought wouldn't be able to get it working at first but I finally did. I called Best Buy to complain. The woman I talked to at customer service was terrible. Her reaction was "tough noogies" that's what happens when you buy an open box. When I said t was supposed to be inspected and in working order she said, "Sometimes people do their jobs and sometimes they don't. I'm in customer service, there is nothing I can do." I pointed out that I'm a customer but the logic of that defeated her so I asked to speak to a supervisor. At first she balked but after I insisted she got one.
What a difference. He made sure he knew who made the sale since he was supposed to make sure that the set was in working order before he sold it to me. He gave me options on what to do. I chose to get money back. I got back an extra $30. As the set is working and I just have to get the documentation I thought that fair. I can probably get the manual and such online.
I then waited around for the cable guy. I was told he would call when he got here.At 4:45 I got nervous that he wasn't coming. Then at 4:55 there was a knock on my door. That shouldn't happen as he can't get in the building himself. It was my neighbor. My bell doesn't work so he rang somebody else's and had her get me. When I got downstairs he was walking away. I had to call him back. He was visibly annoyed that my bell didn�t work. I pointed out that I was told he'd call when he got here and that he didn't. He was annoyed at that too. When he came up he had to borrow my phone to check in. It looks like he didn't have a working phone with him. He could have told me that but instead decided to be surly.
He got things set up pretty quickly and the set worked. I didn't try the computer as I had not set it up yet. I watched TV for a bit then went back to Best Buy to get a router. I never had one before. I set it up without too much trouble but couldn't see how to change he network name and password. Anyone know how?
I thought I'd spend all night on the computer but the Phineas and Ferb movie was on and I couldn't resist watching that. Not that I didn't play online while I watched. But I was too busy to write.
I skipped one thing. The trauma. The proof how far from being "cured" I am. After I got the TV up the stairs I was tired. I couldn't do much so I made a phone call to someone I love. She loves me too and was trying to be helpful but she started pushing me on something. I told her to stop that being pushed like that is what paralyzed me for a month. She pushed more and triggered the worst panic attack I've had. It was physically horrible. For an hour or so I was in pain. I felt extra bad because I know I made her feel bad. I had to though. I had to stop her. She didn't get what she was doing to me and I had to just tell her bluntly to just stop. I understand her frustration. She hated watching what I had done to myself and in her mind I was just trying to not deal with it. She doesn't get it's like telling a stutterer to stop stuttering. It does more than not help, it makes things worse. I know I have to change things about myself. And I can talk about it with other people. But her way doesn't work. It reminds me of when I used to tutor people with math anxiety. I had to work all around the problem. If I didn't get tit just right I couldn't help. It's not normal tutoring. It's all about getting a good read of the other person's emotional state and accepting that there are times you aren't going to be able to get through.
Today's project is figuring out how to set up my desktop. I want to find the cheapest and lightest table adequate to my needs. I want good ergonomics though. It has to be at a good height. The desk I used at my old apartment was too high. There was one cheap plastic one at Office Max that might work. My back is somewhat better and I know I can handle that one.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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creative commons
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Horvendile June 06, 2012
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