I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 18, 2016 - 11:13 a.m.
Weird morning, I keep falling asleep. I'm on a new med I'll have to watch this closely. I am not going to look up its side effects as I don't want to suffer from the nocebo effect. That's where you imagine you get the side effects. Even worse is looking up the side effects that people report as to those found in studies. That's pretty much meaningless as people will post to those lists any negative experiences they have after taking a med with no idea if it's cause and effect. But I might have to make coffee. I'll try and tough out one more paragraph and see if I wake up.
So guess what I did yesterday. No, I did not go to my psychiatrist, I went to my therapist. But, I picked up the meds the psychiatrist prescribed. I had to run and make a bus last when I was there on Friday. I love both my therapist and psychiatrist. Now let's see if they can help me. The therapist laughed when I told her about my encounters with Satan, the house guest. She also appreciated the way I used humor to hand a potential anxiety crating situation. That of course is part of the essence of being me, seeing the humor in things. Disasters are an excuse for spinning tales.
I had good timing with the buses and train after therapy so I came home before going out again. I was able to spend about three hours here. That's better than trying to kill time in the City. I had to go into the City to see Rod Picott (pie-cot) at Hill Country Barbecue. He went on at 9:00. I wanted to be finished eating by the time he went on so my plan was to leave here a few minutes before 7:00 and arrive a few minutes before 8:30. Instead I left after 7:00 which meant catching the 7:25 bus. That still should have been fine. It would have been but the bridge was up. I live on City Island and have to cross a draw bridge to get to the mainland, a boat was passing underneath it. That costs about 15 minutes. That wasn't the worst of it. The worst part was the young moved that felt that the drive should announce what was going on even though everyone on the bus could see what was going on. She started shouting.
The bridge is up.This continued the entire time we weren't moving. Her friend kept trying to keep her quiet but she wouldn't. It's a miracle nobody on the bus killed her.
I arrived at Hill Country at 9:00. I was told there were no seats near the stage available downstairs and that I'd be best off sitting at the bar. I got downstairs and found a perfect seat at a table first row house left. I asked a waitress if I could sit there. She said, "yes," and had no idea why they told me there were no seats when I asked upstairs.
Rod was coming in so I told him to play crap songs till I came back. I had to go back upstairs to get my food. I got pork tenderloin. I wanted corn pudding with it but that's seasonal and it's not the season. I drowned my disappointment in mac & cheese. When I got back downstairs Rod was finishing his first song. I hope it was a crap one. The ones I heard were all great.
Rod is one of the special singer/songwriters, yet since Carey moved to Chicago I see him by myself. I know Carolann loves him but she was out of town. Rod writes beautiful songs filled with the sadness of Middle Earth. He has one happy song, Angels and Acrobats.. That is up there in my favorite songs by him. Somebody should make a video of it with the visuals being Olympic gymnastics. If you appreciate songwriting where every word is carefully chosen; songs about people that feel real; songs that will move you; you'll love Rod.
That is not what some people in the crowd want. They wanted to drink at the bar and be loud. One of the woman must have been the sister of the "Bridge is Up> woman from the bus. During the middle of one of Rod's songs she started shouting, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" Till she was shushed. Rod outlasted the drunken louts. When they left he finished a song and held the final note so long I'd thought he'd turn blue and collapse. He didn't. The crowd cheered. By that time, it was all people there to hear Rod.
There was a short break between sets and I talked to Joe who does sound. He also sometimes fills in on bass for Bobtown. I thought I saw him when I went in. I couldn't make him out at all when I made my way back during the break but he called out my name and that guided me. He's an interesting guy, he does sound, makes music, and paints. Music and art our outlets for his creativity and he doesn't draw a line between them.
I didn't as much time as I'd like to talk to Rod after the show. My phone informed me that I had to leave to make the last bus back to City Island. I knew I had some leeway as it thinks I'll take the local the whole way while I actually switch to the express then back to the local. I can stay one train later. I did. I gave Rod a hug and told him to give my love to Brenda and George. He's playing their house in Brick in a few days. When I had a car I was a regular there. They are great people and kindred spirits.
I walked to the train and made my bus but 2'30." Hill Country shows are problematic. But I had it and made it home in about an hour and a quarter. That's pretty good.
I made it through writing this without coffee but it was a struggle. I'm still closing my eyes and yawning. Who wants to make me coffee and inject it straight into my veins? I feel like I can function but it's a struggle. I take the new med three times a day. We'll see how it works out.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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