I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

August 26, 2014 - 11:32 a.m.

Nash Rambler

It's the end of August so there's not much going on in the City so I'm left alone with my anxiety which doesn't make for great subject matter to blog about. Yesterday was therapy. I've been having a rough time and it was a rough session. She did her job and made me confront things I didn't want to confront but that doesn't make it any more pleasant.

LORi once said this about me in her blog:

He also has an ability to vent his frustrations while holding some perspective. I think he makes a fairly clever approach: "I know I shouldn't whine, but I feel like whining. So instead of suppressing but still feeling that desire, I'm going to simply mention the things I want to whine about, and that will strip them of their power and I can move on and do what needs to be done." Or something like that.
So here's what I'd whine about if I were going to whine, I don't have a job, a decent place to live, or someone to love and be loved in return.

OK that's out of the way. To find that quote I looked at an old blog entry of things people said about me and found this too. This makes me happy.

He's beautiful because he loves so fiercely. He's beautiful because he's absolutely brilliant but he doesn't let it get to his head. He's beautiful because he'll always be there when you need him, no matter what. Because his imagination and humor never fail to carry me away. Because his spirit is so loving and generous it still surprises me today. Because he sees the beauty in others, and makes them believe in themselves, no matter how hard it is for them. And because he, too, happens to be bloody adorable, if only in a spiny anteater sort of way. - Carey
Since I was feeling down after therapy what did I do? You should know this. Come on, at least you should have he general idea. Yes I went for comfort food. I went to Big Daddy's and had this.

That's the Bacon Milky Way shake: chocolate shake with salted caramel and crispy bacon. Not many psych meds more powerful than that. That could make a dead man feel better. It needs peanut butter. It is half-priced before 5 PM. I got there at 4:57. I ordered immediately. When they give you the check it lists the suggested tip as so many places do. They don't do it right, when they give how much an 20% tip is, which nobody should need to be told, they base it on the price after tax. That's now how you calculate a tip. But here's my question. As it was half-price should I tip on the full price? That's what I do. Am I being over-generous? She forgot the whipped cream. Maybe I was.

I returned some cookies I bought at Trader Joe's. They had walnuts which I didn't know when I bought them. They make it so easy to do. I had already opened them and they didn't give me any arguments. I got a store credit.

For dinner I had sausages and roasted potatoes. I know I've been eating a lot of sausages. Tonight I'm having steak. I also made more iced coffee. Now I need to buy more decaf. I also need more ice cream to put in it.

I took a nap when I got home then made dinner and never did the things I needed to do. That's not good. I'll try and do better today. Know what is good? Writing this. Today I'll try and be good and get things done. I need to go to the post office, the bank, and the dry cleaner. I need to post a tutoring ad on Craig's list. Do you know anyone in Manhattan or Brooklyn that needs tutoring for standardized tests, SAT, GRE, GMAT, LSAT, etc or in math at just about any level. I can also handle any high school science or freshman college physics.

I'm expecting to be disappointed about something. If I'm expecting it, is it still disappointment? Do you ever wonder about things like that?

Katrina says that when I'm upset I go off on tangents. I think I always go off on tangents. My mind is not very linear. My thoughts bifurcate usually I do a better job of keeping to a thread. But this serves a purpose. My mind is chaotic now and I'm letting you see that.

OK this is never going to get organized so I'll going to declare victory and go home. Bacon and eggs for breakfast this morning.






Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile August 26, 2014
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