I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

January 07, 2016 - 11:21 a.m.

Puff Pastry the Magic Dragon

Dateline America: Yes I'm writing this from Upper Darby PA but what I'm writing about is of consequence to the entire nation, to the entire world.

This all begins innocently enough when LORi and I went into the kitchen late last night. I spotted chocolate! It was on baked goods. She saw me eying me them, took one, and handed the package to me. I saw on the package it said "puff pastry." I of course expected something with a puffy texture. It was not, it was a cookie, more, not less, brittle than most. I as any lover of truth, justice, and the American way criticized the false advertising, this was in no way "puff." Instead of sharing my indignation LORi defended this scurrilous packaging. People speak of the power of the NRA but clearly the National Rifle Association has nothing on the vast pasty-industrial complex. They have convinced LORi that it is acceptable to call black white and up down. Her lame argument? It used to be puff. It was puff before they added the chocolate and sugar and baked it some more. By that logic a store would be fine selling 4 day old stale bread as "fresh bread." It used to be fresh right? How about a restaurant selling "live lobster" that was actually killed weeks ago? Where does it end? Car dealers selling used cars as new? "They used to be new." You allow one of these things you allow them all.

This is of such import that I am willing for my choice for president be guided by a willingness to outlaw the practice of calling a brittle cookie as "puff pastry." Now of course I would not support any of the Republicans. Though it is the single most important issue facing the country it is not the only issue. In any event I'm sure all the Republicans are fine with false advertising, they'll just say it's free enterprise and they are probably all in the pocket of the pastry-industrial complex. It's no big deal that it would get me to support Bernie, I love Bernie even though I'm supporting Hillary. But it would get me to support Martin O'Malley and even having a great Irish rock band, O'Malley's March is has not been enough to do that. Hear that Martin? This is the issue that can make you relevant. It would give all right thinking people a reason to enthusiastically support you. You're rallying cry could be "A cookie is not a puff pastry!" We cannot have a country founded on lies. This goes to the heart of what it means to be a free country.

As for LORi, do not despise her. She is a good person; she's just been deluded by the great puff pastry conspiracy. They are convincing people that enacting the "Truth in Puff Pastry" law would mean the government will come in and take away their delicious chocolate covered cookies. No one is suggesting they do that. I love chocolate covered cookies made from puff pastry dough. We just don't want people to expect to take a bite into a puff pastry and find instead a crunchy cookie. So feel sorry for LORi and hope that she frees herself from the chains of fascist bakers. Perhaps we can set up therapy clinics for others whose minds have been likewise warped. Of course congress won't even allow federal money to be spent on researching the issue. We can't even say for sure how many people are fooled by the false packaging every year.

Thanks for your time. Write your congressman, write your senators, write your chosen presidential candidate, and write the others and let them know that you are amenable to switching your allegiance over puff pastry freedom.





Annoying People - September 03, 2016
This Play Was The Pits - September 02, 2016
Banking on Getting Better or Avoiding Katastrophe. - September 01, 2016
Unlike Gilligan I Got Off the Island - August 31, 2016
Call of the Wilder - August 30, 2016




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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. Horvendile January 07, 2016
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