I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
July 02, 2014 - 10:53 a.m.
I wake up and find myself in the midst of three conversations as I'm trying to write. What happened to me having nobody to talk to? Hey this actually fits in with what I planned on writing about but it's out of order. I could move this to a more appropriate spot in the entry but I'm writing organically today. It's the mood that hit me.
Yesterday was a bad day. I was filled with anxiety and lethargic. I should have done laundry and didn't. I should have done lots of things and didn't. Finally in the late afternoon I texted a friend and said, "I haven't been out of the house today. Let's do something." Didn't hear back. So I texted the same thing to another friend. Didn't hear back. So I did what I do now when I need a lift; I went to the Vanderbilt for kielbasa then Ample Hills Creamery for ice cream. I got on the subway, it's a short trip. When I got off the subway one friend got back to me. She was around MSG and wanted to meet So I headed back on the and went there. Friends are less fattening than sausage and ice cream. Of course we still had to eat. We went to something I've been wanting to try There's a food court of booths in Herald Square. I had Korean chicken wings. They were good. OK got commuting and food in there right off the bat.
We walked around a bit and found ourselves in Madison Square Park. I'm going back to night to see The Steeldrivers and Cricket Tell the Weather. There music taken care of. I'm good
Fourth conversation just started. This with my sister Alison. She wrote a good blurb for the movie Noah made about me
Sad, yet sweet and uplifting at the same time. I smiled watching it. And now I, too, love the Horse that Might Sing fable.You want to see it now, You'll have to come to the screening. I'll let you know when we have a date and venue.
I have a note about something to write about. Let me see what it says
more effective to show how people aren't empathizing with others than to accuse them of hate.I kept that exactly as I wrote it. That's how I communicate with myself.
Yesterday I wrote about prejudice through lack of empathy as opposed to antipathy. You won't change anyone's mind telling them that they are a bigot, even if they are a bigot. They will just get defensive and come up with arguments to justify their feelings. But if you get them to see something from the other person's point of view then you can make progress. The goal is to make the world a better place not feel self-righteous. I know that's the only way people ever change my mind.
One of the people I'm talking to now is Katrina. I told her that I'm her gay best friend. .She laughed and said I'm right. It's funny because I'm not gay. I guess I might have some Gentle Readers who don't know that. But it is still the best shorthand for our relationship. Katrina is way younger than me, just out of college, and there is no thought of romance by either of us I'd say it's avuncular, and that's part of it, but we talk about things you don't talk to your uncle about. We know where all the bodies are buried.
I don't have anxiety talking to Katrina. One reason I talk to her a lot. I have anxiety talking to most people. I know it doesn't seem that way. And when I'm out in a crowd I don't feel it but one-on-one I do. I especially get anxiety initiating contact with people. I had to screw up my courage to send the text to a friend asking to hang out.. Yesterday I was talking to a musician who is playing the Budgiedome. This is someone I've known for years. Not part of my usual social set but still someone I'll always talk to at shows. Someone I'll hang out with if we are at a show that someone else is giving. But I rarely talk to her online and when I did I felt nervous the whole time. This is Budgiedome business. It's my natural habitat it was with a friend, She is someone that was saying very nice things about me She is someone that will always give me a hug, and I still feel nervous. But I did it .I've learned to overcome it in that situation. I've written here before that I'm no longer shy and afraid of people, But I am. I'm just not afraid of people in groups. Put me in an online forum and I'm in my element. People were disappointed I didn't go to the WfUV volunteers party. But even at a party there are times that I find myself alone and afraid to approach people. Then I force myself to. I know that it will make me happy in very short order.
Part of what's nice about blogging is that I can say things with no specific person in mind so I can be freer. I sometimes get scared of responses but only if I think of specific people who might get offended. I do speak my mind and know I'll offend people sometimes. There's not much point of writing about politics if you aren't going to offence some people. Even when I'm writing what I like best, funny takes on my life, I can probably end up offending people. I bet I just offended people. But I don't know who so I'm OK with it.
OK now for breakfast. Tempted to make pancakes but I'm not going there. I think bacon and eggs and a bagel. Oy, I forgot to pick up bagels on Monday when they are half-priced. I hope I have enough to last to next Monday. I should I'm going away this weekend to New Bedford Summerfest.
How do I end this damn thing? Beethoven often had the same problem. You think it's over but he goes on and on and on. Then he hits the perfect note and it's over. Nope that wasn't perfect. Well I'm not Beethoven and can't hope for perfection.. This will have to do.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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