I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 01, 2015 - 1:08 p.m.

Past Tense

I'm going to stretch my brain and try to remember what happened yesterday. As I don't have a brain that could prove difficult but not impossible. It's like virtual particles in quantum mechanics.

Yesterday's adventure was going to my PO Box. Now if I had it together I would have gotten out of the house early and gone to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden first but I didn't. What I did do was go to Central Park, which is a block from my post office first. The weather was perfect when I left home. It had cooled off and clouded up by the time I got there. So I didn't take that long of a walk. Still I did stretch my legs, communed with nature, and people watched. Then I had to go to the bathroom bad. Part of Crohn's disease is making it difficult to wait. So I used my emergency bathroom in that neighborhood, my school. It's also a good idea to remind the department that I'm still around and available to teach in the fall. But as I'm a stickler for these things I didn't use the bathroom on the math department's floor but the one above it .Why? It was refurbished and is nicer. It's also usually cleaner too. Another part of having Crohn's disease is that I care a lot about the quality of bathrooms. Or maybe that's just being finicky.

I got a package from Amazon. In it are sandals that I want to return. I only bought them because I mistakenly thought my sandals had holes in them. That was my old sandals that I hadn't thrown out. When the landlady cleaned my room she left those out front and put my new ones behind other things so I didn't see them. Now if that was all that was in the package it would be easy. I'd just slap a return label over the new one. But my new sunglasses are also in it. So I have to open it and get packing tape to reseal it. That's a pain. I'm not good at doing things that are a pain, anxiety kicks in.

I'm totally forgetting the exciting thing that happened at Trader Joe's. I think I single-handedly thwarted a terrorist attack and saved Brooklyn from a nuclear explosion; that or I bought groceries.

The first train on the way home was packed like a sardine can. The message board said there was another just 3 minutes so I waited for it. It came. The message board is pretty is never far off if the train is close. I got on and even got a seat. But the guy next to me kept falling asleep and leaning over on to me. I'd give him an elbow to wake up. He'd lean the other way and land on the guy on his left. This happened the entire ride. I tried to wake him up and he smiled and went back to sleep. I think it was actually deliberate on this part. The women across the aisle from me were cracking up watching. I laughed along with them. When we got to Utica, the last stop I figured I'd see if he had narcolepsy or some problem or was just a jerk. If he couldn't rouse himself I would tell the motorman. But he did, got up with not trouble and bounded up the steps.

I made my favorite dinner, sweet garlic chicken and hasselback potato. I made it perfectly too.

I have some things in my idea bin but I'm going to write about some things I've been thinking about. First musical. I tried to listen to a musician that some of my friends like, perhaps love. I was never impressed but tried to give him another chance. I tried to pay attention to the lyrics. I couldn't; my mind kept wandering. They had absolutely no content; he might as well have said la la la to the melody. It was individual lines that did not hang together. I honestly can't see at all what others see in him. I can't even try and show you what it was like because not one line left any impression on my mind even when I was trying to listen to attentively to the lyrics. That actually goes on with lots of songwriting. I listen to Richard Thompson and with all that great guitar playing every word is there for a reason. Now there are some musicians where the music has enough content that la la la is all the lyrics need. Renaissances Prologue has no lyrics, Annie Haslam just sings "laaaaaaaa" but it works as it's her voice as another musical instrument.

I wrote last week about going to a place I had a terrible anxiety attack and the physical surroundings triggering a terrible anxiety attack. Wow just thinking about it when I wrote that sentence made my chest tense up. It's still tense. The past has been haunting me another way recently. I've been to places where I had very good experiences with other people, places where we shared things that were important to each of us because it was important that the other person know about us. But now the people no longer want to share with me. They don't want to create new memories. It makes me sad. It isn't a part of a cycle. New people have not taken their places.

On the other hand I'm doing a slow motion online version of Who's On First via Facebook comments with friends. That's making me happy. Know what else makes me happy? Matzoh brei. I was going to make pancakes today but now it's late and that takes time. I wanted to use my Canadian maple syrup for Canada Day. So I'll do something rarely do, make sweet matzoh brei.





Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile July 01, 2015
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