I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
March 01, 2017 - 2:32 p.m.
It's Wednesday, you know what that means, therapy. Except it doesn't. I'm switching therapists and it's a few weeks till I have my first appointment with the new one and it won't be at the same day or time. I should have a session by myself. I have things I would really like to tell my old therapist. She'd be proud of me. I love that she showed that and never made me feel bad when I didn't do well. Maybe today would have been the day I remembered to tell her a weird symptom I have. There's a sound I heard in my bedroom that I can't identify. It sounds like a radiator valve opening but my room doesn't have a radiator. It's a sound I grew up with that was always part of the background. I ignored it. When I'm in bed trying to fall asleep and I heard it I get a burst of anxiety as I would if I heard a tiger roaring. It fades quickly, I wonder what caused it, I laugh at it, and vow to remember to tell my therapist next time I see her. I never do.
I get very little feedback on my writing about psych issues. I write it as a public service. I want people to get a feeling of what goes on inside my head; not so much for understanding me, but to get a feel of the range of people's experiences. Writing about it helps me understand other people. So much strange behavior can be explained if people have unusual reactions to things that they don't talk about or don't realize is atypical. So, I talk about the things that other people don't. I do have a good grasp on when I'm being weird. Do not say, "that's all the time."
My plan was to eat home last night. I had all that food I bought at Aldi but it was National Pancake Day. The local church had a $5 pancake breakfast. Jane said she'd treat me. I could not say no to that. Who doesn't love breakfast for dinner. It was great but we should have brought our own syrup. They had those little containers of "breakfast syrup," not maple. I'm not sure how you tap the breakfast to get the sap. It came with sausages, bacon, and what was the pastry? I'm being aphasiac. There was coffee. That's pretty much enough to make me happy.
Didn't I say that I wasn't going to write about what I eat anymore? I did say I'd make an exception when it was special. This was celebrating an important holiday and it would have been unpatriotic to not tell you.
I watch TV shows on my computer the day after they are broadcast. On Tuesdays I watch Supergirl. They did another piece of stunt casting, Dean Cain who played Superman in Lois and Clark, as Supergirl's adoptive earth father. Is that the right way of putting that?
Then I watched the season finale of Jessica Jones. I love it without reservation. It's on Netflix. If you have not watched it correct that now. David Tennant, the charming 10th Doctor, plays one of the best villains in dramatic history. The writing, acting, and directing are all great. It's filmed on location in New York City and shows the City's gritty side. We need more film noir superheroes. Now I have to wait far too long for season 2. At least it didn't end with a cliffhanger like Game of Thrones. There's just a teaser of next season's story arc. I have Brianne to blame for this addiction. Its spinoff, Luke Cage will be my next binge watch.
I was interrupted while writing this morning., I had to help Jane and Bernie get a clothes rack here from the home of a friend that is moving. It's quite large so it wasn't easy. I disassembled it and could get it in the car. Once it was back here it was easy as I could take the elevator and carry it up the stairs of the duplex in pieces. OK it wasn't easy but it was manageable. The ceiling here has just enough clearance for me to put it back together. There was less than an inch to spare. The best part is that now I have a place to hang my clothing.
Let's be realistic. I'll bring the CDs over tomorrow. I shouldn't lie to myself. There is no rush. One is by Heather Aubrey Lloyd. I have always associated Rebecca with her, they look like sisters and I have nerdy conversations with both. Now they release CDs at the same time.
Once again on a day that I did nothing I wrote so much I didn't need something out of my ideas bin.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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