I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
May 20, 2014 - 9:22 a.m.
I had insomnia last night and I got up early today. So I'm getting an early start, it's 8:17 but I'm sleep deprived. This might be interesting.
Sometimes I wish I could parallel process what I write. I want you to read many things at once not in sequence. But that's not the way our brains work. So my brain has to do extra work organizing what I write. I actually enjoy that. Wise Madness is not nearly as slapdash as it appears.
There were lots of frustrations yesterday. I finished grading the Finite Math test but discovered that I was missing two tests. The students have learning disabilities and take them separately at the disabilities center. They never returned the tests to me. I went to school to get them and they weren't in my mailbox. I emailed the person who administers the tests. She told me that she scanned them and emailed them to me. I had missed it. It's not how she's supposed to get them to me. We have in-campus mail. It's far easier to grade the originals. I had to go to school anyway as I don't have a printer. The main printer at school was busy with a huge job, thousands of pages. The secondary printer is useless for printing PDFs. It takes 10 minutes to process each page. I had 20 pages to print. I ranted at the Admin that this was totally unfair. He let me use his computer and printer. When I went to grade them I saw she missed scanning one page of one of the tests. The other one was hard to read, the scan was not dark enough. I wrote the disabilities office and told them that in the future I need the original tests. I am not putting up with this again.
I should enjoy doing the attendance, it's just playing with spreadsheets but I hate doing it. It's one of my least favorite teaching chores. Still I got that done. On the way home I stopped at Fairway and Trader Joe's for treats and staples.
I almost forgot I had therapy. That's what brought me into the City. As I've been having a rough time the session was interesting. But that wasn't my most effective therapy. I was feeling awful when I woke up and I had work to do. I told you how I had angst each time I picked up a test paper on Sunday night. I didn't want to deal with more of that. I tried to deal with it by writing a friend and asking if we could talk. She didn't answer. The silence was the loudest "NO!" possible.
If you have been paying attention the 13 and a half years I've been writing this you've seen that I've often been in emotional turmoil and that I've become good at dealing with it. I prescribed myself Mozart. There is nothing happier than happy Mozart. The problem is that my CDs are in storage. So I broke down and figured out how to use Spotify. Now I'm hooked. I listened to the entire Le nozze di Figaro. I prefer Beethoven but no music can soothe the savage breast better than Mozart. His music is in perfect harmony with the universe. The balance of my music balanced my psyche. While I was listening the waters of my soul were calmed. I was in the sea of tranquility.
Mozart is my shepherd; I shall not want.
When I had to leave I got only a block before the angst began to return. as soon as I got home I listened to the rest of the opera then went on to Eine Kleine Nachmusik. I'm going to live in the world of Mozart comic operas for a while. That's a better world. At some point I'll listen to something completely different that always restores my soul, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I'm the new Berlin Wall Baby! Try and tear me down!
Once again I'm going to put off my political thoughts. I have to finish grading today. It makes titling this entry easier too. I have another clever title that I want to use for the subject I'm holding in reserve.
Wow this is up before 9:30! I rock.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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