I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
June 16, 2015 - 12:41 p.m.
Ready for some irony. I did not make my ophthalmologist appointment yesterday. I had to delay writing about it now because I couldn't see well enough this morning. So yes, today I do it. It's scary not being able to see. More scary that calling the doctor. And just to make it clear it's the making the appointment and dealing with the insurance that's scary. Getting the cataract surgery is cool. Finding out what else might be wrong with my eyes might be interesting. Could be scary but that's stuff I can handle. I have a strange brain. Good thing I'm cute.
Yesterday I had therapy. What's happens in therapy stays in therapy. That makes it tough to write about. Not even breakfast was interesting. God did I do anything of note yesterday? I went to get my mail from my PO box. Nope not exciting. Oh I didn't dress intelligently. That actually affects me today. It was 80 when I left the house. I was in shorts and a t-shirt. By the time I got my mail it was in the upper sixties and dropping. I was going to go to Trader Joe's but I was cold and wanted to minimize my time outside. Then the ride home took forever. I had considered changing when I got home and going out again, either shopping or to see Tara O'Grady. But it took so long that I just stayed home. So yes that was my day out. I compensated by making my favorite dinner. Now you should know what that is by now. It's sweet garlic chicken and hasselback potato. I went for real decadent this time. I used cheese whiz on the potato. I made everything just about perfect.
Skip this paragraph if you don't want a spoiler for episode 9 of Season five Game of Thrones. Are you gone? Well leave. OK if you don't know classical mythology you can keep reading. How come in the extras with the writers and such shown after the show and in things I've read nobody invoked Iphigenia? It is an exact parallel to what happened. If you know the story how can you not think of it? Am I actually the only one conversant with one of the central stories in Greek myth? Even the classical Greeks were horrified by it.
Welcome back. Sorry I had to geek out, or is that Greek out. Now it's safe to read on.
See I even give you a buffer paragraph. I'm so kind. So I have pared back something I think about all the time enough that I can write about it here so you will have no clue to what I'm writing about but can still get the point. There's something bad that keeps happening to me. It involves what other people do. Now when this happens to other people I always suspect, and often see, that something they do provokes it. I am incapable of being so oblivious that I don't ask the same thing of myself. I don't see what it is about me but there is probably something. Now it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'm not saying I'm a terrible person. I'm saying I do something that leads to me getting hurt. The smart money is on it having something to do with anxiety but that's just going with the odds. I bring it up as sometimes other people don't seem to question if it's anything that they do. But they might, just not to me.
I spent a lot of time on Facebook, too much time. As I observe other people I also observe myself observing them. That's what I want to write about. There are people that I like that will leave me scratching my head. I wonder if they ever read any real news sources. They will post speculative nonsense over and over again if it fits their prejudices. Sometimes I wonder if their social circles are so different from mine. They will go on at great length about some pop culture thing that nobody else ever talks about. Now I'm not surprised that people like obscure things. I love obscure things. But you don't see me posting treatises on details of James Branch Cabell books like I expect people to know what I'm talking about. But what I notice most and the reason I'm writing this is that just seeing some people post anything, especially a picture, will make me happy. They are not always good friends either. Some are people I don't have that many interactions with but they make me feel good every time I do. It's good to know that there are people like that. I think that' what keeps me on Facebook.
I told my therapist that the one time a day I know I'll be happy is when I'm blogging. I knew she'd ask why. I knew I didn't have a good answer. But it's true. Know what else is true? The writing mojo isn't working today. So I'll fall back on plan B, matzoh brei.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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