I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

May 29, 2013 - 11:50 a.m.

What Love Feels Like

I almost started writing this an hour ago. I hate when the Chronoklepts hit. They got me bad yesterday. I had to race out of the house without eating to get to 2:45 therapy on time. I grabbed a breakfast sandwich at the bagel shop but didn't get my coffee. They gave me coffee but when I sipped it on the subway platform I discovered it had sugar in it She asked me three times if I wanted sugar and I told her no three times. The first two times she didn't make it right away. She did after the third time but still got it wrong. There was a delay with me getting through the receptionist as it wasn't my regular day so I wasn't on the list and it's a new receptionist. She had to look everything up on the computer. The old receptionist,, Whitney, would have just written me in and taken my money.

I didn't really succeed in my therapy food. I tried something new, hill country chicken. The chicken wasn't that good and the shake just OK. The fried cheesy mash potatoes was great. I need something special today to make up for it.

Sometimes I think of something that I'd like to write about but find that it really isn't different enough from what I've said to merit an entry. Some of those times there's a phrase that I fell in love with so I'm going to tell you one of those. I was thinking once again how I don't like the whole homosexuality is not a choice argument because even if it were a choice that doesn't mean it shouldn't be accepted. It's a matter of taste and we don't discriminate against people who like truly horrific things like The Yankees, Abba, and Brussels sprouts.

Then I figured out what love is. It's when being with someone turns this:


Into this:

Being me I couldn't leave well enough alone. First it was realizing that's not what love is but one type of love. There are others. This feeling that being with somebody makes the world more vibrant, more real. Experiences are richer when you are with someone you love like that. It isn't romantic love but it's an essential ingredient of it.

Then I did more thinking. I'm still me. All I can really say is that it's an essential ingredient for me. I can only guess about other people. But my guess is that many of My Gentle Readers feel exactly the same way. And maybe, just maybe I helped pin the idea down for you.

I am pointedly not writing about my love life, or lack of, I still lack the courage for that.

I forgot what inspired it but I'm thinking of designing an inferno filled with punishments for modern sings like talking at concerts.

Nobody commented on the video I made that I posted last entry. I've made two now and neither elicited any reactions. I guess that's a failure.

As not much is going on I might as well update you on the fate of your favorite Fantasy Baseball team, the Nashional Batnoses. They are now in fourth place, that's in the money! Half the team is hurt most of the others are having disappointing seasons but Chris Davis makes it all worthwhile. His line is .344 BA 17 HR, 47 RBI. He leads the majors in Home Runs. I pay him 70. The average player in the league makes $1.13. And it wasn't a matter of just getting lucky. I targeted him last year before the draft. Baseball Prospectus said "he has the power of Thor."

More housekeeping, my weight. I was losing weight and partially happy about it and I attributed it to shedding retained water because I was off prednisone. But I was also afraid it might be the Crohn's disease acting up. It stopped and my weight stabilized at 176. I should track down all the weights I've given here. Of course it's skewed, I'm less likely to talk about it when it gets too high. My guess is that it's ranged from a high of 190 maybe even 195 to a low of 160 after I was hospitalized. I've become complacent about it. Once I read that people that were slightly overweight lived longer I was OK with being slightly overweight. I don't feel better when I'm lighter but I do look better. So there is that.. Clothes fit me better. I don't have to buy a new trench coat now. When I was heavier it was too tight and I really needed a new one. When I told someone that I was losing weight then said I wanted something fattening he was surprised and tried to talk me out of it. But what I realized is that I get more pleasure out of an ice cream sundae or a sausage parmesan hero than I do out of being thinner. As long as I'm not unhealthily heavy that's what my thinking will be.

The reason I have all these fragments is that when I'm busy my mind is stimulated and I come up with my best ideas. But because the priority is writing about what I did I put them off for a rainy day and I have not been good and written them down. Then when the boring day comes I can't remember them. I thought the love thing would expand further. I don't force things. I often write less than I'd like about something but I'll never pad and write more.

that's my cue to not pad this. If I get inspired later I might write again but for now it's time to each,. It's either a bacon and eggs day or a poached egg with Taylor ham day. I'll find out when I hit the kitchen.

Hey since I was singing this to myself when writing about love let's go to the videotape.






Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile May 29, 2013
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