I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 31, 2015 - 11:46 a.m.
I did not get enough sleep but I'm going to write anyway. That's how much I love My Gentle Readers. I'm not going to even make coffee first. I'm tempted though.
That's it for an introduction? I always waste more time than that? What's happening to me? Have I lost the ability to write and say nothing? Does this even count? Let's just say I'm having an off day and this doesn't indicate a long-term decline.
Yesterday I went to Katherine and Deb's birthday party this was my second but the sixth time they celebrated together. I think that's right. It was held in Brooklyn Bridge Park. Apparently Evite gave the wrong address, good thing I ignored that, I know how to get to the park though I wasn't sure where it was in the park. When I arrived I knew where it should be so I went there. Guess what, Katherine and Deb felt the same way. Of course it's always an adventure for me to find people as I can't see. Good thing Katherine was wearing her big hat, I could make that out from a distance.
I got there and immediately hit the food, hey it's me; there were cold cuts. It's also where Beth was hanging out. We talked about food. She told me about a restaurant in the East Village I have to check out. Yeah it's easy to keep me amused. There was food and I was with musicians; that sounds like me. I somehow missed the Frisbee, that's my sport. I'm actually good at throwing one. Of course I'm totally out of practice. I used to play just about every week. So who else was there that I knew? At one point or another Karen, Alan, Gidge, Loyse, and Mark. So remember the people that sat next to me at Jalopy when I saw the Calamity Janes that thought they knew me? They were there. They are in Alan's other band. It is a tiny world. I even remember Dottie's name. Nope the other one isn't coming to me. It's really hard not having a brain.
Today is Monday, my therapy day but my therapist is still on vacation so I'll tell you what I would normally be telling her. At one point I had an attack of Jurgen's shadow. This is the party edition, where all of a sudden you feel yourself there but not part of the party. As I've been depressed this could have seriously escalated. So I self-medicated. Now all of you should know that doesn't mean taking drugs or alcohol. I don't do those things. I left the party for a bit and went to the Ample Hills Creamery stand for ice cream. They had dark chocolate. I got in a conversation with the ice cream guy. He says he craves ice cream most the day he isn't working. He also sold me on trying their shakes. Hey it's going to be hot today, maybe I'll go over there. I also checked how my Fantasy Baseball team was doing; we hit four home runs! That drove away the shadow and I went back to the party. I'm a bit proud of myself. Instead of moping or going home I gave myself a little bit of time and got over it.
I had good timing, the music had started. I don't think I missed much. I love sitting around with musicians playing music and singing along when I can. I also played kazoo and tambourine. Nobody should ever give me a tambourine or any percussion. I just have no feel for it. To be honest I have no feel for kazoo. This is one of the most frustrating things in the world for me. The music is almost there in me but not quite. There have been two times I was actually asked to play kazoo in front of an audience, and I could hear echoes of what I should be playing in my head but not enough to play. All I could do is the straight melody. I couldn't create. And I can make up melodies, I do all the time. But that natural real time improving to music is totally beyond me. I just have enough to make me want to do it. But I still enjoy being there and I’m satisfied if I don't throw everybody else off.
I ended up staying pretty late, most people were leaving or had left by the time I did. I couldn't head straight home, I needed to go food shopping. Last year after the party I had to go shopping too. Then it was Trader Joe's and I never made it there; it was too late. This year I had to go to Pathmark which is open 24 hours and I left earlier. As I don't have a car or a lot of place to store things I shop often and don’t buy that much each time, usually one bag full. Last night I filled too. It is sad that I get excited that fresh chicken was on sale and I could get a family sized pack of thighs for $5.00. I went crazy looking for Cheez-Whiz. I finally asked. The guy brought me to exactly the first place I looked and it wasn't there. They were out. I should have noticed that. I have an excuse it's very hard for me to read the little signs with the names of the items.
Ok time to eat now. I can have the sausages I bought yesterday. Then I think I'll edit pics, I have a lot to catch up on starting with the party.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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